Not sure what the options were, but The People weren’t really spoiled for choice at the 40th Annual People’s Choice Awards, where the flavour of the day was ‘vanilla’ and I didn’t recognise a majority of the red carpet flâneurs, many of whom appeared to have been born after 2000 :/
In line with your Tinder profile interests – don’t pretend otherwise – here are some choice people wearing clothes and/or awards.
Kat Dennings looks nice enough, I guess, though perhaps a lil’ bored in a David Meister gown with wine-stained everything. 2 Broke Girls is terrible and Oscar de la Renta and Dior have done very similar dresses to this. Next!
While I’m not vibing on the circa ’06 emo fringe, I don’t mind Allison Williams in this strapping impersonation of the Scottish flag by David Koma.
I’ll never forgive Anna Faris for doing whatever it is she did to her lips, but Goddamns if her and Chris Pratt aren’t a couple with whom you’d like to brunch and/or enter into a polyamorous relationship.
Note how Emily Deschanel’s triangular pendant earrings match the triangle motif on her clutch and the cut, colour and construction of her Max Azria dress. Lather, rinse, do not repeat.
More like Ian Smolderholder amirite? Nope. While I do not endorse the smart casual combo of a Zegna suit, tie pin, pocket square and French cuffs with jeans and suede boots – it’s like seriously, make up your mind, guy – I’ll let this slide this because, perpendicular jawbone set at 90°.
Jennifer Hudson looks so fkn chic in this all white everything Kaufman Franco ensemble, paired with a vibrant lip the colour of Beyoncé’s lingering rage at her 2007 Oscars snub. Is that a smart watch?!
Malin Akerman wears the tablecloth from the kid’s table at your local family eatery. It’s Cushnie Et Ochs and I believe the technical term you’re looking for is 8008135. Looks smokin’ tho.
Despite more than a passing resemblance to Kim Kardashian circa now, Naya Rivera looks her usual smug, sexy self in neapolitan Michael Kors.
Favourite New Talk Show Host winner Queen LaQueef, ah, looks – I’ve got nothing. She’s wearing a dress? Would give her a cuddle.
Person after whom these awards were named, America’s People’s Choice of Sweethearts Sandy Bollocks, looks kinda great in this Peter Pilotto number – sans the hemline – which reminds of the final scene in Gravity where she chokes on a weed and dies – kidding! – and her Kurt Geiger shoes are kind of insane. Everybody loves Sandra Bullock!
Buffy Prinze Jr. is not slaying anything in this Sachin and Babi number 🙁
Nor is there anything b*Witching about this 90s TV doyenne’s Floridan grandmother’s waterfall mullet skirt. Three seater couch upholstery in the front, matching drapes in the back.
Remember all those long afternoons you wiled away on your lonesome, crafting greeting cards and origami out of construction paper onto which you’d inflict an incredibly ornate design rendered in UHU glue, then you’d throw a whole bunch of glitter on top and blow off the excess until you were left with Heidi Klum’s Armani gown? One for the fridge right here:
Jessica wears what must surely be a very comfortable Jason Wu zipper, a winning endorsement for leading The Honest Life by Jessica Alba™ and accessorises with a ramrod up her Alba.
Nina Dobrev looks like a rich, sxc pinscreen toy in Jenny Packham and Charlotte Olympia.
If you seek a Mikael D body stocking and dang Zanotti shoes, now you know who to ask.
Photos: Jason Merritt via Getty
