The 2012 ARIAs Red Carpet Triumphs And Tragedies

MTV VJ Kate Peck wearing a ridiculous purple leather dress accessorised with plenty of hardwear including a bronze collar and cuff, a look that only someone like Kate Peck – whose vehicular mode of choice is in fact a motorcycle – can look perfectly comfortable in.

The more I see Jessica Mauboy, the more convinced I am of her star power.  This perfectly fitting, embellished gold Alex Perry gown probably weighs a tonne, and yet J-Mau smirks effortlessly in it.

Look at this! She is the embodiment of fabulous.

Later in the evening Jess changed into this sexier black mini and frizzed out her hair to look like a 1950s glamour woman who just got out of bed after having slept in her finger curls. She is becoming my new red carpet obsession very quickly.  You can’t blame me, can you?

I’m quite enjoying Jesinta Campbell in this fun, colourful Rorschach Test-like inky print dress by Ginger & Smart and her Charlotte Olympia heels. The pink-dipped balayage hair is fine because she is young and cute.  This seems a good ARIAs-appropriate choice.

Vertical stripes are a good choice in this instance – very slimming.

Yes. This uncertain half-smile says it all doesn’t it. I’d like to see Sarah de Bono try a brunette pixie cut. That’d be much cuter than this awkward crimson emergency.

Erin McNaught‘s tremendous bod needs to be shown off for all to see and appreciate.  I’m just not sure this bottle green ’90s flashback is the way to go about it…

I swear to god that when I first saw this photo I thought to myself: what is this delightful lesbian couple? before I realised the butch one is actually X-Factor graduate Reece Mastin with a much-needed haircut!! I’m so pleased with his decision to finally remove those horrendous angular shards of hair that I could kiss him. He clearly doesn’t need a kiss from randoms, as he has turned up with a stunning brunette youth on his arm. Hats off to you, Reece Mastin.

Here is Missy Higgins wearing a cool graphic print Ode To No One ensemble and custom-made shoes by Nude Footwear that have a cheeky transparent ankle strap on them. Nothing gets past me, Missy my dear.  With her is someone whom Getty Images referred to as a “friend” – which is exactly how my 80-year-old Texan grandma refers to anyone’s same-sex partner.  I haven’t a clue whether Missy and her ‘friend’ Butterfly Boucher are or are not partners or just pals. Ugh. Am I STILL talking?

I haven’t got a clue what these gorgeous models are doing at the ARIAs, but who really has a clue what 80% of the people at the ARIAs are doing there? Montana Cox (left) wears what I believe is a LOVER dress and Samantha Harris is in a leather look by Bassike.

Gotye won four ARIAs last night, including Album of the Year. He wears the exact outfit you expect a shy music nerd to wear, and his girlfriend Tash wears a flowing Summery frock that appears to composed of strips of Laura Ashley fabric bolts.

In keeping with the night’s zany Coat of Many Colours sartorial theme, Ruby Rose is dressed as a sexy dragon sunset in a rather fabulous Romance Was Born creation.  The shoes are spectacular and I quite like Ruby’s blonde weave. LOL. I’m clearly losing my shit here.

Ruby was also enlisted to DJ at the event and wore this reptilian gold item that reminded us that ‘Ruby’ rhymes with ‘boobie’ because holy breast exposure.

Hello Kimbra you adorable rare song bird. Just like a rare bird, Kimbra’s fun Anna Langdon frock was many-coloured, covered in feathers and partially shrouded by foliage. The pumps are a delight.

Kimbra’s performance outfit was a drawing I did in grade 2 and got sent to the primary school “nurse” to discuss.

This is the closest thing to formal wear I’ve ever seen Angus Stone wearing. Kudos for the shoes!

Holy smokes Shannon Noll! This is real progress!

More like Russell OFF Brand.  Russell
Brand is dressed in an outfit that represents the very worst of what
menswear has to offer; with that said, if he was going for a look that screams
“pretentious turd” he totally nailed it.

Nicki Minaj doing her fabulous technicolour-rainbow-ghetto thing in Romance Was Born Camilla and Christian Louboutin pumps.  I would follow this person just to see what kind of fun drag wonderland they are heading to.

Ricki Lee is clearly having a great time in this shot, but the bunchy dress looks as though she ordered it in the size she was before she lost all that weight because it’s not a good fit.  The hair is a shame.

This is a DJ named Ellie Kelaart but I prefer to call her ‘Side Boob’.

Side Boob.

I know I probably go a little hard on Johnny Ruffo, but mate. This is literally the worst-fitting suit I’ve seen all week.

DJ Havana Brown has scary finger nails and the flawless yet overly made-up complexion/overall vibe of a young Donatella Versace. I honestly can’t decide if that is a compliment or an insult.

Photos by Brendon Thorne, Caroline McCredie, Don Arnold for Getty Images.