Shoeys Have A Wikipedia Page That Was Almost Definitely Written By An Alien

Admittedly, it might be kind of hard to explain the humble shoey to an outsider. I mean, yes, it is essentially just drinking out of a shoe – but explaining when and (most importantly) why a human being would drink beer out of a shoe is difficult to put into words.

Why do we do shoeys? Because shoeys are the most party thing. Why is drinking beer out of a shoe extremely party? Why am I using party as an adjective? Some questions are hard to answer.
But one or more nerds has taken that task upon themselves on Wikipedia, and they’ve managed to get into “uncanny valley” territory, being juuust close enough to the truth that the ways in which they are wrong are super, super weird.
Let’s start with the intro:
“A shoey is the act of drinking an alcoholic beverage from a shoe.”
Yeah, no shit pal.
“The shoey gained wide spread popularity in Australia in 2015 and is often a ritual undertaken at birthdays and other special events.”
Not sure about that one, I was doing shoeys in uni in 2010 and I’m sure my ancestors were doing them long before that. “Ritual” also seems like an incredibly weird word choice, and I think the birthdays and special events thing is incidental to the fact that they just occur wherever the party is.
“It is considered a modern parody of the once decadent act of drinking champagne from a lady’s slipper.”
Uh no, no it is not.
Their description of how to do one sounds like it was written by someone who has never actually seen food or drink consumed in their lives, AKA a robot or alien:

“To perform a shoey, the drinker either removes their own shoe, or nominates a friend’s shoe to be used as the vessel. The shoe is tilted and the entire contents of a can of beer are poured into the shoe’s opening. Once the beverage has settled, the beer is drunk by tipping the shoe up to the mouth and chugging it.”

There are some historical examples of shoeys throughout history but the real highlights are in the details, like this one link in the “See Also” section:

And this extremely helpful image and caption:

It certainly is.
Look, it’s Wikipedia, so if you wanted to jump in and make it look like it was written by a human being, you absolutely could, but honestly I want this mysterious nonsense to be what non-Australians see when they google our favourite pastime.
You can check out the whole article right here.
Photo: Flickr / Docmonstereyes.