Do you believe in New Year’s Resolutions? I believe that making goals at the kickoff of the calendar year is a great thing to do… However, I also believe we’ve got a dangerous habit of investing far too much credence in the meaningfulness and validity of the New Year’s Resolution as a concept. Instead of just using the start of the new year to schedule-in achievements for self-betterment, New Year’s resolutions have the potential to become depressing sources of guilt, pressure and personal failure if our lofty self-expectations aren’t reached or get interrupted by simply being fallible humans who are not perfect, heaven forbid.
Take quitting smoking. Swearing off darts is an annual New Year’s tradition for an international community of self-loathing slaves-to-the-cig. I couldn’t count the number of times I’ve watched acquaintances, family members and me free-fall into a vertiginous shame spiral after slipping up a few days or weeks after resolving to quit on December 31st. Quitting fags isn’t easy. Nicotine addiction is one of the most difficult to overcome; so expecting to pull this off overnight is ambitious to the point of masochism.
Other stalwarts include grand sweeping intentions like get a better job, lose weight, marry my dream girl, get rich – major goals that we tend to forget can be very dependent on variables outside your control (the job market, your natural body shape, illness, who’s single right now, etc). Then there are the Enemy of Fun resolutions: Quitting Sugar. Quitting Carbohydrates. The Green Smoothie Diet… These don’t only form a cruel system of denial to your own body, but everyone else in your life has to suffer because no one likes eating with a smug sugar-free convert or having a nice conversation with a Crossfit-obsessed weirdo.
This year, be kind to yourself by laying down achievable goals that won’t intimidate the hell out of you and have you emotionally flagellating your soul. Here is an example of what I mean – the kind of specific personal goals that won’t make stress-bile rise in your throat or depend on a Gwyneth Paltrow approved liquid-only feeding schedule based largely on kale.
The Pedestrian office scrummage discussed a few of our non-intimidating 2014 ambitions, from finally getting around to watching Breaking Bad *snicker* to updating to iOS7 for the sole purpose of downloading Tinder, and consensus self-promises around general organisation and not being a slave to the Internets.
James [Projects & Events Manager] – “Go to the dentist”
Yeah James, I feel you buddy. If it has been more than two years since you went for a checkup, 2014 is definitely the year to get back on the wagon. Have you ever taken a moment to consider how important oral hygiene is? Answer: VERY. One visibly rotting tooth can be all the difference between a hot bro and a hobo; and studies have even shown that bad teeth can affect your ability to land a job or score a promotion. Besides, nothing feels fresher than the dentist-finish feeling of a proper clean.
Scarfy [Account Manager] – “Finally watch Breaking Bad“
Tired of copping disdain-projectiles from friends because of the one time you mistook the words Don Draper for dawn draper, the kind of interior designer who specialises in early hours jobs? This year push aside time to catch up on the mint television series or movies that you’ve been meaning to absorb but just haven’t gotten around to. You’ll not only be giving yourself the gift of enriching entertainment, but you’ll finally be able to join the conversation instead of shrieking “SPOILER ALERT” at any mention of The Red Wedding. I’m sorry, friends, but the embargo on that one has well and truly passed.
Related:
Gordy [Graphic Design] – “Watch Star Wars chronologically from episode I to episode IV.”
Nick [Staff Writer] – “Watch the Sopranos box set”
Drizzle [Graphic Designer] – “Don’t be scrolling on the blower when around friends and log off as much as possible”
Come on, blogger guy. Does your Facebook/Instagram/Twitter/Tumblr/Snapchat/etc really need to be checked while you’re having one-on-one beersies with your best buddy? Let’s all work on minimising the disgustingly impolite and shamefully antisocial habit of constantly browsing the phone screen and, in turn, we’ll be better listeners and friends, and less likely to have unsightly thumb callouses from the ‘scroll’ motion.
Related:
Gordy – “Tone down on social media usage”
Scarfy – “Spend less time on a screen (TV, Computer) after work”
Dazzle [Senior Account Manager] – “Use my Kitchen Aid food processor heaps cos it was really expensive”
Keep your First World guilt to a minimum by appreciating all the luxuries that First World living affords us. Got a surfboard? Go for a surf – even if you don’t think you’re fit enough. Bought a lot of music? Listen to it as much as you can. Got a really expensive food processor spirited in the pantry? Whip up some fucking hummus and get some pals around the sample it. It’s a new year, so let’s take nothing for granted.
Gordy: “Try to ask more girls out on dates”
Yes Gordy! In fact, everyone should ask everyone out on more dates. The worst thing that can happen is they say no.
Look, ultimately resolutions aren’t about dating aphorisms, getting off the digital grid, or reaching your physical FHP (Full Hotness Potential); in the end – whether you go all-in on one major life goal or choose to take on a series of mini milestones that’ll lift your vibe – the most important thing about New Year’s Resolutions is that putting them in place proves you’re actually motivated about something – and that’s important. It also means you’re self-aware enough to recognise the parts of your self or your life or your routines that could use improvement, and you’re willing to make those improvements (within all of life’s myriad constraints).
So this year where to start? If your dentist has been a stranger, why not start with your teeth? Or if in doubt just use this trusty New Year’s Resolution generator.
Happy New Year.
Other New Year’s Resolutions that came up in our office discussion:
– Eat breakfast like an adult
– Swap soft drink for water
– Exercise in free time
– Get over deep-seated suspicion of seafood and sauces
– Stop using a regular bra with an old crop top over it as a sports bra
– Read more
– Send handwritten ‘Thank You’ cards more
– Stop mouthing off at strangers when I’m drunk because I’m scared I’ll get king hit
– Have more sex with my partner
– Face my fear of public speaking
– Learn the “Let’s Move! Move Your Body” (sans the “Wave the American flag” part)
Mm. Good one…
Head image by Pablo Blazquez Dominguez/Stringer via Getty Images.
