We accepted the fact last year that The Real Housewives franchise would travel across the seas laden with questionable values and zero favours for the exhausting ‘catty female’ stereotype; landing on our shores to lap up the intricacies of a cashed up honey and reveal that her humanity is neither real nor housewifely. After gravely mourning the fact it would do incredibly well and what actually happened to Australian TV anyway, we realised it was truly coming to fruition and there was a moment when I decided: if this show is going to happen, I’ll be damned if I don’t enjoy this as an elaborate, grimy guilty pleasure—as the Beverly Hills goddesses intended it. Botox eyes, jealous hearts; can’t lose. 

And now the Real Housewives of Melbourne have been revealed, six utterly relatable, completely normal dames that every Australian lady can relate—nay, aspire—to. 

The Herald Sun have revealed the six soon to be on again off again BFFs, I’ve provided what is likely to be their signature catch phrase that will accompany their hair flick during the show, as Real Housewives are wont to do.

ANDREA MOSS: A former TV journalist who now runs the Liberty Belle skin care and plastic surgery clinic with her husband Dr Chris Moss. 

Suggested catch phrase: “I was born to dish up news. Professionally. My husband will cut you.


GINA LIANO: Well known Melbourne barrister who is the sister of fashion designers Bettina and Teresa Liano. 

Suggested catch phrase: “I call order on all of Melbourne’s faux pas. Holla!” 

CHYKA KEEBAUGH: Co-founder of the very successful Big Group catering company with her husband Bruce. 

Suggested catch phrase: “Nobody takes away my spotlight. Revenge tastes best with dessert.” 

JANET ROACH: Well known in Melbourne, Roach works as a property developer. 

Suggested catch phrase: “It may look like I own Melbourne. But I literally want it all.” 

LYDIA SCHIAVELLO: Studying to be a interior designer. 

Suggested catch phrase: “I only need one friend in life. And that friend is me.” 

JACKIE GILLIES: Works as a professional psychic. The wife of Silverchair member Ben Gillies. Has recently moved from Sydney. 

Suggested catch phrase: “Don’t even think about it. I’ll know.”

The Real Housewives of Melbourne will air on Foxtel next year. 

Via The Herald Sun. Title image via The Herald Sun.