Chances are you haven’t set foot in a Lowes since you were 10 years old and mum made you buy a netball skirt/pair of rugby shorts that were easily 2 sizes too big because “you’ll grow into them”. Long considered merely a place for dad fashion and for tradies to pick up some rough-and-ready gear, the iconic Aussie chain is untouched by our generation, for the most part.
Well, I set foot in a Lowes last week and let me tell you. I’ll be venturing back and making GOOD use of my new Lowes membership card.
Basically, I was heading to a ‘Lowes theme’ house party. I know, what a fucking excellent theme/my friends are the best. In my head I was simply going to buy a fluoro vest and some boot-toppers and work the tradie vibe. But once I cast my eye on the slogan shirts, hoo boy.
Basically, there’s a lot of gold in Lowes. Like, honestly. I mean there’s a lot of shit, too. But if you hunt around, there’s some quality stuff we should frankly all include in our daily wardrobes. But enough attempts to convince you with words – I’ll convince you with IMAGES.
LEGITIMATELY GOOD BASICS
Lowes have honest to god GREAT basics. They do run a bit on the big side but if you’re a woman who likes relaxed fit tees, the small and medium sizes work fine. If you’re a dude, you’re fucking set for LIFE. 13 bucks for a tee? A good quality tee? Give me ten.
YOU CAN ABSOLUTELY MAKE THEIR JORTS A THING
STOP. I know you think this is an insane call. But I am frankly calling it – the jort is on its way back. I personally repped a nice Lowes jort (jean shorts, if you’ve been confused this whole time) and a slogan tee at said party and frankly, I may rep it again in my normal life. There’s something perfectly 80s-retro about them.
See? They work.
THE SLOGAN TEES ARE ALL-TIME
If you have a penchant for stupid tees with dad jokes on them well, I’ve basically led you – much like some sort of Biblical prophet guy – to your own personal heaven. You have never SEEN such terrible puns. Such god-awful jokes. It’s that thing where a joke is so bad it reverses itself and becomes the funniest thing in the world. Forget pick-up-lines – won’t need ’em. People will literally just come up to you to talk about your top.
THE HAWAIIAN SHIRTS SCREAM ‘NEWTOWN GUY’
Or Brunswick girl. Basically, whatever area in your home town is full of creative and slightly wank types. Seeing them lined up in rows in store can take away some of the cool factor but I swear to god, if you styled them up right you can fill your wardrobe with these babies. Okay, okay – not when they’re buttoned up to the neck and left out all shapeless like this. But imagine this worn open over like a chesty tank or a tee or something, Drazic in Heartbreak High style. You know? Fashion is all about how to work that shit into your wardrobe.
YOU CAN GET SOME CHEAP GRANDPA SNEAKERS THERE
Did you read our other article today about how grandpa sneakers are officially at peak trend now? Well if you can’t afford the Balenciaga’s you can always head to Lowes and get the legit version your actual Pop buys. Take THAT, luxury fashion houses.
THEY HAVE REALLY NICE BEDLINEN
Yeah, I know – what the fuck? Who knew Lowes stocked bedlinen? And not footy club bedsheets, like actually nice bedlinen you would happily cover your sleeping thing with. Just wow.
LET’S BRING THESE BLOODY AWESOME HATS BACK FOR SUMMER
Why did we ever stop wearing these? They offer full sun protection. They have a cord thing so when you’re riding your bike and a magpie swoops you so you gotta pedal like a demon, you won’t lose it. And they just look fucking great. If we all band together I truly believe we can turn these into the Aussie summer must-have. Who’s with me?