Plz Recoil In Horror At The Note Some Thirsty Gronk Left In A Woman’s Purse

You really have to feel for the utter creeps of this world.* Before the internet allowed ’em to shoot wildly horny and totally unsolicited messages straight into the digital inboxes of random women, they had to find their prospective suitors / targets IRL.

Still, a 25-year-old Londoner has discovered some people still prefer doin’ it the old way. 
Hayley Minn lost her purse during a night out, only to receive it in the post a full six weeks later. That’s weird enough – hell, we’d have mentally written the thing off after such a long absence – but a note enclosed within is probably enough for Minn to wish the purse was lost in the abyss.
We’re just going to slap a big ol’ (sic) right here, owing to the fact it’s utterly cooked:
“To Whom It May Concern

Dear Miss Hayley

How are you? Hoping you will be fine and well.


I would like to inform you that I found your precious purse (looks like it :)) by Liverpool street station. 

Might you dropped it and looking for it.

My whole intentions to go inside your purse was to look for your address or anything which can help me send this thing to you nothing else but I found some naughty stuff as well don’t need to feel any embracement, honestly I like those people who take extra care lol”.

The Mirror, who a) first reported the story and are b) Minn’s employer, clarified that “naughty stuff” here refers to the humble franga. As if the author’s blatant thirst obfuscated that fact. 

From there, it only gets worse:


“Kindly check all your belongings and if possible do let me know via email if you received it on funny.stud@[Re-bloody-dacted].

By chance if you could not find anything which you are looking for than trust me I did not take anything at all I am sending you as I found it.

Just a piece of advice kindly look after yourself and your belongings when you go out or allow someone else because you are one of the beautiful person I have ever seen (I am sure in real you are more beautiful as compare to your picture)

I wish if I can take you out sometime and spend time but I am sure you will definitely have someone in your life who is taking care of you very well otherwise allow me lol 🙂

Have a good weekend

Please do not hesitate to contact me should you require anything or if you think I would be able to do anything for you.

Looking forward for your reply

Enjoy every single moment of your life and enjoy as much as you can because you never know what is going to happen next 🙂 

Your Secret Admirer or Friend lol 🙂
Email Friend (if you don’t mind)”
We won’t be mad if you feel the need to take a scalding hot shower after casting your eyes over that, and we can only imagine what Minn felt after reading what she described as the “creepiest ever” note. 
The mind also boggles at the combination of “you never know what is going to happen next” and that basic-ass smiley face. Straight sinister, fam.
Fortunately for all of us, Minn never heard anything else from lucky.stud. Perhaps he’ll have more luck that now his username is out in the wild. 

*You don’t, actually. 

Source: The Mirror. 
Photo: Burn After Reading / StudioCanal / Relativity Media / Working Title.

More Stuff From PEDESTRIAN.TV