Today, the internet has learned that Nike – makers of epic sports and athleisure wear – have created a new version of their cult Benassi JDI pool slide, this time with added mini zippy bag on the strap.

They come in three colourways and are endearingly called the ‘Fanny Pack’. At the moment they’re only available in the States.

Are they stupid? No. No, no, no. You are not thinking creatively, people! Added pockets on ANY item of clothing are ideal. They’re the pinnacle of practical fashion. I am constantly lamenting the lack of pockets on everything from my handbag to my t-shirts. There is always something you can put in a pocket!

Granted, shoe pockets are a strange concept but I imagine Nike’s thinking behind this is that people will wear these shoes to places like the pool, the beach, and so on – places where you might not feel like taking your giant sack of a bag and instead pop your keys and some cash inside your slides.

Because we here at PEDESTRIAN.TV are, well, not entirely well, we decided to make a spicy little list of all the things you *could* store inside your new Fanny Pack slides, should you want to ruin your life.

  • “Keep your toenail clippings in here!” – Courtney
  • “Store some trinkets in them while i walk around Wet n Wild water world” – James
  • “I’d put 8 of those tiny freeze-dried towels that you put in water and they make a real-sized face towel you have no use for in them” – Mel
  • “I would pack it with silver coins, so I rattle when I walk and each foot weighs 1kg” – James
  • “Gak. Just lots and lots of fluorescent yellow Gak in there” – Mel
  • “Fill them with rocks and kick a man” – Courtney
  • “Put baked beans in there. A little pool snack” – Courtney
  • “A small switchblade in case someone cuts in front of me at the beach shower” – James
  • “Fill them with tea bags so when pool water gets in there, you’ll have a nice handy drink” – Mel
  • “A reserve supply of Dippin Dots” – James
  • “Put backup feet in there like Mr Potato Head” – Courtney
  • “I’d fill it with hot chips so birds would follow me and people would think I’m the pied piper of seagulls” – Courtney
  • “Fill them with hair” – David
  • “Paperclips, thumbtacks, staples… just office stuff” – James
  • “Fill them with bandaids so you can always have one on hand to leave in the public showers” – Courtney
  • “Fill them with Switch games” – Matt

I mean, we warned you.

Image: Nike