Miranda Kerr Denies She Was Dumped For Being A Diva, Plans Solo Concert For Birthday

Small town girl with big city dreams, Miranda Kerr, made headlines this week because Miranda Kerr makes headlines every week. 

In the fifteenth week of the year twenty-thirteen, stories that were manufactured by a machine purpose-built for SEO optimisation involving Mandy K included: rampant speculation that Victor Secret, maker of tastefully and culturally insensitive lingerie at Victoria’s Secret, dropped Kerr because she was getting too old and has a really “difficult reputation” as a Grade A Diva. In other headlines I definitely clicked, Mandy also took her son and my style icon Flynn to the park and it was trés adorable, thus necessitating thorough media coverage of their chic street styles. 
Today Kerr has responded to the former flagrant accusations that she’s a total diva (“I’m sure anyone that has worked with me would agree that it’s not true”) by talking about herself some more while also revealing that her plans for her 30th birthday include singing and dancing – maybe a lil karaoke – at an intimate birthday party where she will perform solo for her friends and family; the centre of attention in her own private cabaret; the seventh circle in her guest’s own private hell, because the only person who enjoys karaoke is the person holding the microphone.
Bombshell Kerr-Bloom has spoken to Fairfax Media to deny claims she’s been dumped twice by big business in as many months, asserting that she totally, like, dumped them first because like clingy middle-school boyfriends David Jones and Victor Secret were standing in the way of her true personal growth as a human business I mean being:
“This is a natural evolution… It’s really important I give 100 per cent to my clients and I have to be careful to make strategic long-term decisions with my personal and business interests. I’ve reached a point in my career where I’m developing my own opportunities that are really reflective of my passions.”
Miranda’s clients and passions include Empower Yourself, the self-penned followup to her favourite guide to being Miranda Kerr, Treasure Yourself, and an increased focus on the e-tail expansion of own skin care range KORA Organics by Miranda Kerr, amongst other endorsement deals for which she is “so grateful” and also #soblessed to be a part of. Like incredibly bizarre Japanese iced tea commercials (plural), one of Mandy K’s great personal passions. 
After jetting into Sydney later this week to launch the new Qantas uniform, Kerr will then return to New York for next Saturday’s annual Kerrncert, in which her guests, an audience of two – one of whom is incontinent, the other is still a babe; which is which? You decide – and their attention will be held captive while Kerr indulges her every whim as a frustrated performance artist:
“[Orlando] knows I like to dance and he knows I like to sing and I have the most fun when I’m singing and dancing – so I think there might be a little karaoke going on.

It’s something we do as a family – we put the music on, my son and Orlando love it.”
Do they though? Good luck, Flynn.
Photo: Stan Honda via Getty

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