Remember that criminal genius / cash-strapped mum who got busted for her intricate self-checkout scam? Welp, the Daily Mail has got ahold of the court documents from the case, revealing the full list of items Ipswich woman Kylie Milner scanned as 72c instant noodles at Coles and Woolworths in the month of August last year. 
Are you ready? The list of incognito instant noodles includes:
  • Finish dishwashing tablets;
  • A set of sheets;
  • Pantene;
  • Kleenex toilet paper (yeah girl, get the nice shit!);
  • a frying pan;
  • a Villeda mop;
  • celebrity protein powder (????);
  • two (2) $199 coffee pod machines;
  • a $27 rump roast;
  • bacon;
  • more than THIRTY (30) SLABS OF MEAT.
In one month! What a machine!
As we reported earlier, her streak of low-level checkout fraud came to an end when an eagle-eyed staff member spotted her acting nervously in the self-checkout area. However, new details have emerged that suggest that the supermarkets had been suspicious for a while, because they’d started selling an unusually high amount of – wait for it… Mi Goreng.
Instant value.
Yep, everyone’s favourite scraping-the-bottom-of-the-student-living-barrel stereotype trash food: Mi Goreng. The photocopied labels were from Mi Goreng packets.
If the thought of a bunch of befuddled Coles managers huddled over Mi Goreng sales reports doesn’t tickle you, I just don’t know what to tell you. It’s probably the best thing I’ve heard all week.
(To be clear, stealing is wrong and Milner, who is definitely not the hero we have all been waiting for, has been given a 9-month sentence, wholly suspended for three years.)
Source: Daily Mail.
Image: Joanne the Scammer / Twitter.