WARNING: This story discusses sexual assault.
A study published recently by Alexandra Brodsky at the Yale Law School has brought a disturbing trend into the public discourse: there is, apparently, a growing movement of men removing condoms during consensual sex without their partner’s knowledge, also known as “stealthing”.
In an article published on the website for Triple J‘s Hack last week, an anonymous Australian woman detailed her own experience with stealthing. She wrote that the experience left her feeling violated, and questioning whether or not she’d been raped.
It’s an alarming thought for many women, and raises some important questions around consent, sexual assault, trust and the law.
So it made sense that today’s Hack would be on the same topic – and it found that there is some concerning friction between those who interpret the law, and those who are supposed to enforce it.
Pauline Wright, a lawyer and the current president of the Law Society of NSW, attempted to provide some legal context for the issue. Speaking to host Tom Tilley, Wright said:
“Consent in a legal context is about whether the person complaining of the conduct had actually freely and voluntarily agreed to the sexual intercourse.“If there is a clear agreement between two people that [they’re] only going to have sex [with a] condom, and then that person without consulting the other person takes the condom off, then that is negating the consent that was given.“[Stealthing] is basically getting consent by fraud, or by deception, so it’s no real consent.”
However, Tilley responded with a statement from New South Wales Police, which read in part:
“It is not a sexual assault if someone refuses to wear a condom. it becomes sexual assault when consent is not given or it’s withdrawn, e.g. they’re having consensual sex and one party becomes aware that the condom was removed and tells the partner to stop and the partner continues. Unfortunately there’s nothing in the Crimes Act relating to removing a condom during sex without the knowledge of the other party but it is definitely dangerous.”
This is a sticking point in much of the discussion around stealthing: is it actually rape? Many of the listeners calling and texting during the segment had experienced it themselves and clearly felt weird and bad because of it, not least because of the overwhelming threat of STDs.
Removing the one thing that consent to a sexual experience hinges on, without telling the person you’re having sex with? I mean, that sure seems like rape to me.
So for god’s sake, for once in our lives, can we all just be cool to each other, and agree to never, ever do this? Thanks.
Source: Triple J.
Image: Getty /Thanatham Piriyakarnjanakul / EyeEm.
Sexual harassment or violence is not acceptable. If you or someone you know has experienced sexual harassment or assault, you can talk to the friendly people at 1800 RESPECT on 1800 737 732 – it’s never your fault, and there are safe ways to speak out or talk to someone. If you are in immediate danger, call 000.
