Sure, the Grammys red carpet is predictably wild every year. But when you really want to see the stars you give a shit about (read: has-beens, D-listers, random actors who have nothing to do with music) dressed to the nines in outfits designed to draw maximum attention, you hit up the photo galleries from the Grammys after parties.
This year, there were four big ones – Mark Ronson‘s, Sony, Republic Records and Universal. Big names hit up all of ’em, so we’ve wrapped the best and wildest threads from them all.
The big-time winner at the Grammys that basically no one in Australia knows about (except ME!!! I love country music babeeeey!) looks EPIC in red on the red carpet, even if her dress is basically a large lampshade. I don’t even care, the woman won top gong and red is v v v much her colour. She can lampshade it up in my eyes.
Eve has not aged a single day since I was obsessed with her circa Gwen Stefani / COME TOGETHER ALL OVER THE WORLD FROM THE HOOOOOD TO JAPAN HARAJUKU GIRLS, WHAAAAT. This look is divine, even with the one-shoulder cape which I would normally hate, but for some reason don’t. I don’t know! There’s non rhyme or reason to my fashion criticism/brain!
TERRY CREWS & REBECCA KING-CREWS
Look I really love these guys, and they just wear the shit they like and DGAF, but I do have to say from an objective point of view, TERRY WHAT IS THAT JUMPER SITUATION. WHAT IS THAT. WHY IS A TIE INVOLVED. I’m going to let the boots slide because they’re zesty and a good time, but I cannot, CANNOT, avoid that jumper situation. I also want to say that while I love a bra-as-top, they kind of have to be not-actually-real-bras, and Rebecca that is absolutely just your run-of-the-mill bra, my friend.
MARK RONSON & LADY GAGA
I’ve seen mixed reports that this was an after party, OR it was a pre-party. Either way it must be included for the extremely Lady Gaga outfit worn by… Lady Gaga (she is also JUST wearing undies but I guess she is Lady Gaga and that is her schtick forever). Also because Mark Ronson has oddly decided the best place for his hand is to tuck it gently into his frontbum area. It’s alarming, I don’t enjoy it.
This is a GREAT dress, those are GREAT heels, and this is what I say you should wear to Grammys parties when you’re not reeeeally a thing but you’re semi a thing. Like, look good, not too wallflowery, but not too “I am desperately trying to get your attention, please give it to me or I will FAINT ON PURPOSE”.
Big Bird, but make it fashion.
Beck’s looking super stoked at his probably forced attendance to this party. Excellent blazer, however.
Everything about this photo screams “Zedd, beb, put the Fiji Water at the front of the table, would you? That’s the way, now turn the label to face the camera, good good”.
And here is a sunburnt English man.
This artist is called Baby Goth, and she looks like a scarily sexy baby… goth, so good work marketing team for Baby Goth.
I have to say, I could lose the dangling jacket with the laces spilled all over the floor, but I’l really on board with Paris’ sort of Courtney Love homage fashion vibes these days.
It’s all very Will Smith in the 90s, which means it’s all very GOOD. It is potentially marginally weird to wear an overcoat on the red carpet, though.
SOPHIE TURNER AND JOE JONAS
YESSSSS ACTUAL FAMOUS PEOPLE! Love Sophie’s whole vibe – especially the 80s eye makeup (MORE OF THIS). Joe looks like he just came from a casual game of baseball but at least he’s *actually* a famous person.
SOME PEOPLE WITH USHER & DJ KHALED
Hedging bets these are all people who make money when Usher/DJ Khaled do something with their vocal chords. Also, what is this – post baseball bro-hangs? Why is everyone in those JACKETS.
I have NO idea who this woman is but I do know I really, really want her pants. So well done on drawing attention with your outfit but not being a painful attention-seeking monster.
THE TIS IS BACK! She’s back, everyone! Fuckennnn Sharpay in the building, sound the alarms! Jokes aside, this is cute but if it were me I’d lose the sheer top and just wear that cute crop with the skirt situation.
LEON BRIDGES & SOME OTHER GUY
Why does Leon Bridges look like he murdered a cow for dinner a few hours ago, fashioned it’s hide into that jacket, and walked in off his ranch?
Hey! James Bay is still around! And he doesn’t wear that hat 24/7 anymore. Who knew.
Sorry, what? Why on fucking Earth is SHANE WEST at a Grammys after party? I just assumed he disappeared after Walk To Remember.
Sky is like, “it’s fucking cold and I flat out refuse to dress in anything less than snow gear”. And honestly, bloody SAME beb.
Look at that sleeve, it is a hundred percent doubling as her handbag.Image: Getty Images