I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. YAY FOR BLOODY AWARDS SEASON. I love it both for all the fashion moods it spews forth, and also because it means I can justify trawling through celebrity pictures for hours while getting paid.
Today we’re on the Grammys, aka music’s ~big night~, and lord have the stars brought the weird. The fantastically weird, of course. We’ve also got plenty of support for #TimesUp, which makes my heart sing.
Let’s get to it, shall we?
CHRISSY TEIGEN & JOHN LEGEND
Yeeeessss Chrissy with the BLINGY DRESS. That belt looks mighty uncomf, especially considering Chrissy’s preggo, but whatever it looks fucking fab, she’s a glomesh dream and I for one am bloody here for it. John has not brought the zest but I wouldn’t put it past Chrissy to just be like “John pls I am having a personal moment so just wear something boring and let me shine” and bc he is the best husband ever (he is, you all know it) he’s just like “ok baby go shine your fantastic light”.
The 5th Harmony TRAITOR (I kid, I kid) went with red, which I always think is a slight red carpet mishap, simply because you either entirely match the floor and look like this ghoul emerging out of the Earth, or the reds clash like they do here and it just makes an actually excellent gown look strangely… cheap? You feel me? I am loving the curtain fringe on her SICK, though. And props for her #TimesUp rose.
I just looked at this smokin’ fire photo of Donald Glover/Childish Gambino and suddenly I’m pregnant with his triplets. Bye.
You’ll soon see that I am always partial to a zesty cowboy situation, so naturally I am loving Kesha’s “she’ll be comin’ round the mountain/don’t try to understand ’em, just rope throw and brand ’em” mood here. Especially the glitter boots.
If she’s not careful, Ashanti is gonna slice someone’s legs off with that skirt. I think it literally just sits like that. Like a large golden meat saw.
I want to say that you just should not wear dirty dad sneaks with a suit. And I want to say that turtlenecks scare me. But look how fucking STOKED Khalid looks here, guys. He’s just loving life. And he’s popped his #TimesUp rose smack-bang there on his lapel bc he’s proud to support women. He’s too wonderful to shut down. I won’t do it.
Here it comes. HERE IT COMES – Rita Ora, she’s back babey. I’m calling it. After that whole wearing-a-fashion-bathrobe moment at the EMA’s last year, and now this FIRE fucking gown, all she needs is a killer track and I’ll be back on board. Everything is perfect here – the shoes, the shape of the dress, the makeup and hair – especially the little zingy diamond-encrusted bit at the top of the thigh split.
I just think this is how you do fun/zesty on a professional industry event red carpet. It’s like yes I am wearing a sensible dress, but have you seen my CRAZY BOOTS? I love this whole thing, I have no bad words.
This dress is so fucking stupid but goddamn it’s enjoyable. It’s not structured enough to be a work of fashion art, and I think on anyone else it would be a damn hot mess but fuck it, Cardi B can make shit like this work and while I would hedge a bet she a) can’t pee in it and b) injured herself when she tried to sit down, here on the red carpet it’s a yes from me.
I would like to have a few beers with Rick Ross and ask him about how to get to this level of confidence. But only if he lets me try on those shoes.
Aaaaah do you guys remember Ne-Yo? Miiiiss Indepeeeendent… etc etc. Anyway, my sister’s ex-boyfriend once told me Ne-Yo is one of those Jack Antonoff music industry types, where he released his own stuff but actually most of his talent is behind the scenes, so he’s actually fucking loaded and responsible for all these sick tunes. The more you know, right? He also can absolutely GET IT in this mustard velvet blazer.
Are… are those culotte palazzo pants? With boots? And then a jacket that’s buttoned up incorrectly? Oh man, this is some mood.
These guys actually look great and hey, they’re supporting #TimesUp which I like. But I’m sorry all I can think when I look at this is how Alex (right) got absolutely OWNED for cheating by his girlfriend on Instagram this month. I can’t help it, sorry.
This is EVERYTHING.
LANA DEL REY
Shit on Lana all you like, I fucking froth her and will never stop. This is some dreamy, astrological shit and I’m absolutely fucking with it.
GARY CLARK JNR.
It is truly rude and offensive that Gary Clark Jnr. married Nic Trunfio and has two perfect bebs with her. He was put on this Earth for ME, Nic! Helloooo! How bloody rude. Also this is literally what he wears 24/7 but hey, if you’ve got hectically excellent style like this why ever change?
As I said, I love me some country and western gear. I also love country music, which is my terribly-kept worst secret. So here’s three country singers in extreme country singer gear and I’m marrying all of them in a polygamist country music dream wedding so stay away. And then having 20 kids all named after country music stars. Dolly, Hank, Carrie…
LIL UZI VERT
Lil Uzi Vert looks like a Year 7 kid who just got caught smoking behind the demountables.
100% I thought this was Kylie Jenner at first glance, and was like WOW THE BABY MYSTERY IS OVER.
Sam, you adorable, goofy, goobery angel. Looking like a sweet leprechaun in an entirely green suit. God love you.
1. Cyndi is enough of a legend to wear whatever the hell she wants on an awards red carpet, including but not limited to this Michelangelo insanity. 2. She is not taking no SHIT from any sex pests, look at her proudly showing off her #TimesUp rose.
JACK & RACHEL ANTONOFF
I know pretty much everyone hates Lena Dunham but fuck it, I still like her and I was legit sad when things ended between her and Jack, and he seems a bit sad, and I miss Lamby the dog, and it’s really cute he’s taken his fashion designer sister, and they’re just two cute/twee New Yorkers posing bc they have to but actually giving no fucks.
TYLER THE CREATOR
Everyone else get off the red carpet. Get OFF! You’re RUINING THE MOMENT bc there’s no point even showing up if you not on this level, you fools.