Dan Murphy’s User Beer Reviews Are The Greatest Literature In History

Consider this our inaugural kickoff of the PEDESTRIAN.TV Australian Literature section. You may or may not already be across this, but there is no finer expression of the Australian artistic spirit than the Dan Murphy’s beer review section.

For those not in the know: the Dan Murphy’s website features a rich and compelling alcohol review system, which encourages users to review the enjoyment and value for money for each and every available beer in their extensive collection. 
The beer reviews – largely left by oldmates in the 40-70 age range – are works of incredible art, especially when you look at confirmed oldmate beers like Tooheys. Such as this bloke, who escaped form his humble origins as a Queenslander to embrace the flavour of New South Wales.
I am a Queenslander born and bred. I grew up with everyone around me drinking XXXX, so naturally when I started drinking I started with XXXX which I can’t stand now. I went from XXXX to Carlton Cold Filtered to VB etc., then I started drinking Tooheys New and have been now for 10 years. By far the best beer out there.

Pros: smooth, no bad aftertaste, easy to drink
Cons: the label is blue, they sponsor the nsw rugby

Or this fella, who has serious concerns about the other reviews of his cherished drop Victoria Bitter:

It’s amusing to listen the soft tongued boys whinge about this miracle of a brew. It’s OK, we don’t need you anyway.

Pros: bloody delicious, tastes good, ultimate satisfaction, real men only
Cons: none
Or this guy, dipping into some grand poetry to describe the wet, lifeless flavour of legendary budget froth Tun Bitter:
The German Beer Purity Laws stipulate only three permissible ingredients for beer: this product seems to lack two of them. Buy any other cheap Euro beer and you won’t be disappointed.

Pros: wet, gassy, amber
Cons: taste, bitterness, body
Or this fella, who simply loves the premium flavour of a Crownie and doesn’t bloody care who knows it:
There’s this maniac (and frequent reviewer) who refuses to drink Pabst Blue Ribbon because the town its brewed in fluoridates its water:
Or this completely insane review from a mad scientist who attempted to resurrect the dead yeast in a Coopers homebrew – in an experiment that is surely against God.
Please. Go to the Dan Murphy’s website. It’s a big bottleo sure, but it’s first and foremost a library of great Australian literature.
Source: Dan Murphy’s

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