We don’t expect any of you to be reading this with a BAC of zero, and your emotions are, thus, liquified, so we’ll keep this brief.
After a momentous few months of spilling, participating in the gaffe-lympics, debating and constant contradictions, we can finally put the hysterics of #auspol to bed, wave goodbye to seeing Annabel Crabb on ABC at every single moment, wake up to Breakfast radio without the addition of Anthony Albanese, cease penning dramatic tweets threatening to do X if X party won, we can stop being an embarrassment on the world scale and get back to being normal human beings, for once.
Tony Abbott, leader of The Coalition, is Australia’s 27th Prime Minister.
Whether the news makes you feel like this,
this,
or this,
right now, it’s important not to dwell on fleeting throes of victory and defeat: the next few weeks are far more crucial than the last four have somewhat pathetically delivered. As a first time voter in the federal election, I was incredibly disheartened that my constitutional right turned bitter after I voted below the line, and literally numbered my preferences for the senate from last to first, or: absolute worst to slightly-not-as-worse. Both parties spoke of ‘change’ in their campaigns, and rightly so: the last three years of a hung parliament and spinning Prime Ministerial leadership has been a straight up mess. We went through the slogans of “it’s time” to vote for a new leader, and now we have one. Mr Abbott, fundamental change is on your shoulders, it’s time to show us that the majority of Australians didn’t vote you in for nothing. Show us what you’ve got, Prime Minister, let’s begin.
