Commence The Sweaty Wailing & Gnashing Of Teeth, QLD Has Run Outta Fans

The other night I woke up because the pedestal fan that I’ve had pointed directly at my sleeping face for the last four weeks was making alarming noises. Weirdly enough after about 1000 hours of straight service, it was broken. 
That’s okay,” I thought. “I will go to my local appliance vendor and purchase another one. Fans are cheap and abundant.”
How heady they were, the last hours of my innocence. 
Thanks to ongoing conditions that can charitably be described as “hellish“, “akin to the surface of the sun“, and “the profoundly uncomfortable end result of generations of wilful ignorance re: humanity’s detrimental effects on the one planet that we know is conducive to life“, the state of Queensland is suffering a widespread fan shortage. 
We’ve run out of fans. 
Reporters at the Courier Mail visited four separate stores yesterday in search of cooling devices, to no avail. A staff member at Bunnings Stafford said that they’d sold out of their entire summer stock, Harvey Norman is sold out across Queensland, and according to their online store, Kmart has no fans in the entirety of Australia. 
A Harvey Norman worker told the Courier Mail in what I can only imagine is the voice of the pimply teen from The Simpsons:
We bought more than last year to cover us to March but this year has been so hot.
Well, you’re not wrong about that one, Jeremy: 17 temperature records were broken in Queensland over the weekend. It really has been just …so hot. 
Source: Courier Mail.
Image: Fox.