We here at PEDESTRIAN.TV are not here to tell you how to live your life. The choices you make are between you and God – and sometimes, depending on the gravity and bent of what you do, between you and the police. What we are here to do is report on potential dolphin uprisings, recap batshit reality TV shows, wax at-length about that weird Mighty Ducks cartoon, and, without judgement, present for your examination these jeans:
Pictured: A half-forgotten memory of a pair of jeans long past.
I say jeans, but whether or not – ontologically speaking – the artfully arranged denim exoskeleton depicted above does indeed qualify as the denim trousers traditionally encapsulated by the term ‘jeans’ is by no means a settled argument.
Touted by LA brand Carmar Denim as an “extreme cutout jean” with “large statement cutouts on front and back“, it is absolutely impossible to impeach the accuracy of their own description.
Prospective buyers will be thrilled to note that, despite the fact that the pants themselves are only the barest possible skeletal elements required for them to hold themselves together, they do appear to possess fully functional front pockets.
It seems difficult to imagine any way in which these wouldn’t just immediately become a twisted, tangled mess that, while certainly eye-catching, would prove to be a huge pain in the ass to keep oriented correctly on your legs but, hey, if they’re charging around $AUD220 for about a tenth of a pair of jeans, I’m sure they must have worked out all the kinks.
These might not be entirely appropriate for the office or just about any weather, but they are perfectly appropriate for, say, wearing a big festival in the Californian desert, whereupon you will become swiftly and deeply disappointed after you realise that roughly 7,000 other people decided to adopt the exact same bold, dangerous jean-based fashion choice that you did.