I think we can all agree that I am not a counter-terrorism expert. You might not know me as well as I do, but it’s a reasonable assumption for you to make that I am not well-versed in the ins and outs of what is required in protecting a nation from terrorism. I will say, however, this baby is probably innocent.
The baby I’m referring to is a three-month-old named Harvey Kenyon-Cairns, who had been due to make his first ever overseas trip when authorities noticed something a bit suspicious on his ESTA form – namely that he had checked ‘yes‘ to the question that asks “Do you seek to engage in or have you ever engaged in terrorist activities, espionage, sabotage, or genocide?“
Possibly the first person in history to ever actually respond to that question in the affirmative (truthfully or otherwise), the shocking admission of terroristic intent from the tiny bub who has been on this planet for a shorter amount of time than ‘Rogue One‘ was the result of a huge, tiny mistake from his grandfather.
Through some slip of the keyboard, Harvey’s grandfather Paul Kenyon accidentally intimated that the baby was a terrorist, and, somehow, the US embassy didn’t think that this might have been erroneous despite the extremely young age of the child:
“I couldn’t believe that they couldn’t see it was a genuine mistake and that a three-month-old baby would be no harm to anyone.”
In a completely surprising and uncharacteristic development, the Yanks took the charge extremely seriously and our tiny baby terrorist friend was required to travel five hours from his home in Cheshire to London. Grandpa reckons he handled it like a champ though:
“Baby Harvey was good as gold for the interview and never cried once. I thought about taking him along in an orange jumpsuit, but thought better of it. They didn’t appear to have a sense of humour over it at all and couldn’t see the funny side.“He’s obviously never engaged in genocide, or espionage, but he has sabotaged quite a few nappies in his time, though I didn’t tell them that at the US embassy.”
The huge, tiny mistake ended up costing the family the equivalent of nearly bang-on $5,000 as they did not get the new visa before their trip.
Here is a handy pro-tip from your m8s at P.TV: do not check that you have engaged or will engage in terrorism. Unless you are a terrorist, in which case, you are probably beyond the point at which we can offer you advice.
Source: The Guardian.