Just when the utter f’kn deluge of opinion pieces about Bernard Salt‘s dumb smashed avo story started to die down, old mate decided to have another crack. This time, he’s tut-tutting at young people yet again, for spending all their money on Bali holidays instead of saving it.

You can’t really blame demographer-slash-expert level troll Salt for having another crack at millennials: his smashed avocado piece went viral as fuck, even showing up in the US and UK media, so his editors at The Australian were probably frothing for a good follow-up. 

His latest piece, published this morning, opens:

Gather round, boys and girls, for I have a tale to tell that will touch your hearts. I want to talk about two tribes that inhabit this land, the money mortals and the money magicians. Money mortals live in a mean old finite world where a certain amount of money comes in each week and that’s all there is. Can you imagine that, boys and girls, a world where money is limited and where there is no legitimate way to get more? Let’s call this money-challenged place “the real world.”

Classic Salt. The column then goes on to explain the concept of saving money to people who might not understand it:

The idea of budgeting is this: you pay everything that has to be paid first, and then you make your lifestyle fit around whatever you have left. But that’s not all. Some money mortals do something else to ensure the survival of their species. Does anyone know what that is? Anyone? That’s right, they save.

Then we get to the real meat of the column:

Now here’s the thing. When a money mortal meets a money magician, the latter will complain that they’re broke. And this makes the money mortal feel very sad for the money magician; some have even been known to help out money magicians in the forlorn belief that they might be converted by good deed into money moralism, however boring that might be.

But then do you know what happens, boys and girls? A week after money magicians complain about being broke, they post on social media photographs of themselves in a pool in Bali!

 

After his last column went viral, Salt claimed that it was all a big stitch-up and if we’d read it properly, we would have realised that he was parodying the voice of an old out-of-touch person in a hipster cafe. 

This time around, he’s clearly ‘parodying’ the voice of a tedious baby boomer who’s got what’s his and is now freely shitting on everyone else as they try to jump on the first rungs of the ladder. 

I guess Salt and The Australian achieved their aim insofar as the article went viral, and here we all are talking about it. 

I’m hoping he gets to publish at least one more of these before the law of diminishing returns kicks in. My suggestion would be a piece on how Pokémon Go is driving up Sydney house prices so that whole mess is really all our fault.

Source: Herald Sun.

Photo: Agung Parameswarma / Getty.