Behold, The New Zealand PM’s Utterly Fucked ‘Tinned Spaghetti Pizza’

The land of the long white cloud cops an even more concentrated dose of isolation than we do, which as we all know is the key fuel for breeding strange creatures.

Sure, most of them are lovely people. Very nice, pleasant, affable, and with keenly tuned self-deprecating and dry sense of humour. Fantastic country. Wonderful people.

But to be more accurate, they’re all cooked-in-the-head gronks and the entire country should be cast (further) into the sea.

As a prime example of how utterly beyond help Aotearoa is, cop this social media post from NZ PM Bill English. Apparently the PM, busy schedule that he must have, took the time to cook his family up a few pizzas last night.

“Nothing out of the ordinary there,” you might say. “A perfectly reasonable thing for a family man to do.”

Ignore the fact that the selfie has issues of its own – if you want to put pineapple on your pizza bloody go for it, but that photo looks like the bad giants from ‘The BFG‘ just smashed up the SPC factory – the real issue at hand is clearly this:

WHAT.

THAT.

Tinned bloody spaghetti as the sauce base. TINNED SPAGHETTI. FROM A TIN.

The PM even tried to explain himself in the resulting comments.

If you have to drain liquid off it before use, it’s not sauce, it’s a bloody drink.

But the assertion that it “goes well with pineapple” is bonkers. BONKERS. The whole feckin’ point of pizza sauce is the combination of herbs and tomato. The zing with the zang. The little tickle of the planter box with the fruits of the vine. It all exists in balance.

This? You might as well have just squirted some Big Red onto a cold fritter.

The thing that really roto’s my rua, though, is the fact that tomato paste is cheaper than tinned spaghetti.

Doing pizza the normal and clearly better way is more cost effective than throwing this ghastly dish together.

It’s cheaper.

CHEAPER.

Dear New Zealand, sort yrselves out.