Life can be one giant awkward situation, so we’ve teamed up with Sprite to help y’all stay cool, calm and collected. Whether it’s bumping into an ex, nutting out the prickly office politics of a new job or deciding how to finish off a first date, they’ll make you feel refreshed at heck after cutting through that heat. Head to their Facey HERE to see why y’all #needasprite for uncomfy moments.
Figuring out what’s right and wrong in an office can be a job within itself, and an awkward one at that.
How does one poop at work? Where is the line between personal and professional lives drawn? Can one sign off with exes and ohs to lighten a serious email? Is it cool to bail early?
Will people hate you if you fail at a), b), c) or all of the above?
Office etiquette is a toughy, especially if you’ve gone from lounging on your ma’s couch yelling for meatloaf right into the doors of a full-time, somewhat-respectable working gig.
Fret not, nervy ones, because we gonna help you navigate through this tricky business & come out on the other side likeable. Every office has the token person that everyone hates, and we don’t want you to be that guy.
GO POO POO LIKE A PRO
Alright, you’re gunna have to pop some turds at work. It’s a fact.
If you’re less of an in-and-out and more of a sit-back-and-relax kinda pooper, you should probably look at sorting that out on your lunch break so y’can show that toilet bowl who’s boss, rather than getting the evil eye from the boss who doesn’t know where you’ve been for the last 45 mins.
No one else will hate you for this, but your boss just might. Termination on the grounds of poo time isn’t legal.
HAVE A BANGIN’ E-PERSONALITY
The email sign off is always a cooked one to navigate properly, especially when it comes to a new gig – you could literally divide an office (or, you know, a reddit thread) over whether or not using “Best” to sign off is appropriate or insincere. It’s better to be safe than sorry and go with something more generic and indecisive, so that people don’t have any minor reasons to not like you.
Our advice?
Always be observant as to what everyone else is doing in your office, and just follow suit aye. That being said, one of the biggest in-office mistakes is getting too familiar and comfortable, which can make you whip out the smileys and kisses in email signatures like it ain’t no thang. Once you start signing off with a few xo’s to people on a similar job level to you, it’s pretty easy to accidentally slip one to your boss, which is, you know, not OK.
In a case like this, take a breath, have a drink and pretend it never happened. Denial works far better than the other stages of grief, and at least you learned something in the process. Normally we’d tell you to own the awkward situation, but we know full well you won’t be making that mistake again – after all, emails are kept on record for years. YEARS.
Think about that next time you’re doing a 45-minute poo.
RETURN FAVOURS OF THE PLATONIC KIND
While it’s not impolite to pay for your colleague’s coffee every once in a while, it’s not not impolite either.
Earn some brownie points by doing that every once in a while. They don’t drink coffee? Get ’em a Sprite or summin’ else instead – you know the drill – and proper colleague etiquette will be for them to pay for one of your bevvies down the line.
Trust us, it’ll help you cut through the awkward heat when you’ve got no cash for your dry throat.
Don’t be stingey. No one likes that person, inside an office or just in life in general.
Telling people about your personal life makes you v. vulnerable in a place where what you want is to be treated with respect.
General rule of thumb? Make chit chat, but if you’re following them for the sake of finishing a convo, that exchange has gone too far. If you’re telling them about that stray pube on your nether regions, then that too fits in the too-far pile.
Some offices are different, though. Here at P.TV for example, nothing is ever off the table – it’d be nice to erase that menstruation cycle conversation when negotiating contracts though, you know?
Hold on, am I that person in the office that everyone hates? Well, shit.
NO ONE LIKE’S A STANKBOMB
Leave your tuna and eggs at home, people. I don’t care which Stereosonic replacement festival you’re shredding for, that is not the stench one wants up their nose while tacking a tricky spreadsheet.
If you must, have your lunch outside of the office in your own stanky privacy. Do you really want people to not like you over something as dumb as your diet?
DON’T GET CLICKY
You don’t want your employment experience to end up like an episode of Survivor where you form alliances with your coworkers. It gets very ugly very quickly, my friends, and just like blurring the professional and personal lines, it’s a hard one to bounce back from.
NOW GO FORTH AND KICK SOME GOALS W/O PISSING EVERYONE OFF IN THE PROCESS.
We’re rooting for ya’.
Working a full-time gig takes up a huge chunk of your awake life, so we want you to just own the sitch completely. Next time ya’ #needasprite to calm ya’ farm and cool down – whether that’s sending an email to the wrong person, running into an old flame or tackling a prickly topic – head HERE.
Photo: Workaholics.
