It’s official: you’re paying way too much for your terrible cocaine, Australia.

Cocaine is a helluva drug but if you live Down Under it’s a helluva ripoff with research from a global drug survey conducted in conjunction with Fairfax Media and professors at the University of Duh! confirming that most Australians are dissatisfied with the quality and price of cocaine bought in Australia.

Reports the Sydney Morning Herald:

“Cocaine is a ”luxury” product in Australia, with users paying as much as four times for the drug as those in Britain, a global drug survey finds.

The survey, conducted in Australia this year in partnership with Fairfax Media, found that about 20 per cent of the 6600 Australian respondents had used cocaine in the past year, and 45 per cent had taken it in their lifetime.

The respondents were mostly from Sydney and Melbourne, and more than half had tertiary qualifications. About 65 per cent earned above-average incomes, with a quarter earning more than $100,000 a year.

Cocaine was the most popular choice for those trying a drug for the first time, and users paid about $300 a gram.” 

UK users were equally as dissatisfied when asked to rank the value for money offered by British cocaine, ranking it as poorly as Australians did despite paying a quarter of the price. To which we say have some perspective guys.

Research also noted the existence of “luxury cocaine”, known globally as “cocaine”, which promised a more transcendent high for
between $400 and $450 a gram.

The study also indicated that you can achieve similar effects to Australian cocaine by repeatedly watching Henry Hill GIFs. And that, my friends, is free.