All The Excellent & WTF Fashion From The 2019 ARIA Awards Red Carpet

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Published

November 27, 2019

I’ll give the ARIA Awards this – it is at least giving real awards chosen by real experts (I think) to real talent. Not like the Logies where they give “people’s choice” awards to “actors” who make their “fans” vote for them on Instagram.

[jwplayer sVILPwzU]

But when it comes to red carpet looks it’s… confusing. On one hand, there are people who show up like they do to The Logies, wearing what could easily pass as a bridal dress picked by a 19-year-old. On the other hand you have people literally wearing thongs on the red carpet.

But a red carpet there is, and therefore we must wrap it.

DUA LIPA

What an ANGEL! 1996-era slut strands and all!

GEORGE MAPLE

At first I was like, let’s lose the gloves. But now I’m kind of into the goth Jessica Rabbit vibe?

SOPHIE MONK

Fuck me, bow down to this ICON. This GODDESS.

G-FLIP

I know I know I’m supposed to hate this because she looks like Angus Young from AC/DC slash every fuckboy I had a crush on in high school but I DON’T CARE, she’s too goddamn sunshiney to be mad at! You STRUT that crumpled linen shorts suit down the red carpet, G-Flip. Side note can I borrow it.

THE VERONICAS

Ughhhhh I’m so bored of the twinning! If this was me and my sister, who everyone thinks is my twin but isn’t, I’d be so fucking pissed if I copped the Maleficent black demon lady dress and not the hot babetown red one.

DAN SULTAN

I’ve said it every year – Dan Sultan can get it. Also this gold jumpsuit his wife (??) is wearing is a VIBE. I semi wish Dan went for a more 70s suit but you can’t have everything, you must accept the hotness whichever way it comes.

JACK RIVER

Oh, my god. Is this not your dream 21st dress from when you were 14 and thought 21 was fucking old as shit? Any longer and it would be too OTT for the ARIAs, but the midi length makes it fun.

GENESIS OWUSU

OOOOFT. This is too much chic for the ARIAs. He probably made all the Hit 101.4 / KIIS 563.62727 presenters heads explode because they couldn’t compute this level of style mid-interview.

HAYDEN JAMES

NO. SUNNIES. ON. RED. CARPETS. It’s not sunny? You don’t need them? At least he took his hat off.

JESSICA MAUBOY

Me in this jacket-dress: *waits patiently for moment the entire thing falls off and reveals my modest nude bloomers and saggy nude bra*

J-Mau: *prances around perfectly in an irritating yet impressive fashion, never having a single nip slip*

TONES AND I

Tones, and also I, what are you DOING bb? I just don’t think we needed to smack everyone over the head as to why you are here, my friend. Especially not by raiding Spotlight and doing a half-shit job of painting your album title all over your otherwise kind of cool coat. The ‘O’ needs a ONCE-OVER, please! At least paint properly!

Also, why are you wearing a CAP ON THE RED CARPET. Are you maybe not actually Tones (or I) and you’ve got her locked in a suitcase in The Star somewhere?

Also also – it’s not cold today???? Aren’t you fucking BOILING?

KWAME

Jeans on the red carpet is not a vibe. Ditto scuffy filthtown dad sneakers!!! Kwame!!! Also what are you carrying on your shoulder it looks like a company-branded picnic blanket beb!!

HAVANA BROWN

Remember when she went as DJ Havana Brown? Like “hello, I am DJ Havana Brown, you can just call me DJ though”.

SAMANTHA JADE

I love the Barbie vibes I just don’t looooove the fake Valentinos (or real, either way STALE) or the pleather?

JULES SEBASTIAN

Normally I’m so averse to a one-sleeved creation, but the material is so fucking fun I can’t help but love this. Stretchy mirrorball dresses for all!

SAMMY J

Stop that.

MARTHA KALIFATIDIS

I’m sorry, WHAT is someone from MAFS doing here? This is stretching the grey area of “celebrity” let alone “music-related celebrity”. I SAID WHAT I SAID.

TEGAN MARTIN

Why is Tegan here! Who knows! What does she do! I think she’s an Instagram influencer and maybe also a presenter/model! Is her dress great! FUCK YEAH IT IS BABY, this is how you should dress for an Aussie awards show IMO. 100/10, even if I have NFI why you’re here Teegs.

KSENIJA LUKICH

I mean, she’s got the vibe going I just feel like this COULD have been better – it’s something about the singlet dress underneath, makes it look like the shit I wore to Wednesdays At The Sheaf circa 2012.

HALSEY

WHY. IS EVERYONE. LETTING FIVE YEAR OLDS. SCRIBBLE. ON THEIR SHIT TODAY. I’m talking to you Tones, also I, also Halsey.

SCOTT TWEEDIE & LIV PHYLAND

Again, just don’t know why you’re here – both are presenters but like, since when do presenters just go to everything? Shouldn’t there just be a presenters awards? At least they are music presenters. Anyway, Liv’s dress is great, Scott looks nice in a suit, fine you can stay.

MATT OKINE & ALEX DYSON