It’s awards season, babey!! My favourite time of year. The time when celebrities take their stylist’s questionable advice and wear “brave” things down the red carpet. Sometimes their blind belief in the talent of said stylists pays off. Sometimes, it does not. But even when it DOESN’T, the celebs get media coverage and isn’t that, my friends, the real win? Especially if you’re D-list?
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The 2019 Brit Awards went down overnight, and I’m here to recap the good gowns and suits, the bad gowns and suits, and the “which part of your brain temporarily fell out beb” gowns and suits. It’s all here, it’s all funsies, enjoy.
SUKI WATERHOUSE
YES, SUKI. The pleated ruffles, the glittery pink belt (side note, totally rocked one of them when I was 12, still would today), even the “woke up like this” hair is working for me here. She looks like a pleaty ruffly angel. The Angel Of Pleat.
WINNIE HARLOW
Fuck me, is this best dressed or best dressed? Winnie consistently looks good and YES she’s a fucking model, so of course haute couture looks good on her, but it’s also like, whoever is dressing this woman picks the BEST gowns. This one is heaven.
DIPLO
He might look like he’s wearing those plastic glasses they give cute toddlers with vision issues, but he’s also a 10/10 snack.
NEELAM GILL
Don’t know who this is, DO know I’m exceptionally feeling this dress.
LEOMIE ANDERSON
Ohhh, did you think I’d turned into one of those fashion critics who was nice all the time and never said anything spicy? Ohohohoho, no no no.
WHAT. IS. THAT. CROPPED. JACKET. ABOMINATION. It’s like when someone told you in Dolly that you could re-work your old school blazer into a zesty party top, and you believed them.
FREYA RIDINGS
Two things here. One is that I will never, ever hate on a large amount of floral silk. I’m a 70s tragic and I will always be a 70s tragic so if you come at me with some Virgin Suicides bullshit, I’ll cry and wave my “10” placard from my desk. Yes I have a “10” placard at my desk. But also second thing – is there anything better than walking a red carpet in a fashion-muumuu where you can drink too much champers, get champers bloat and not have to feel like your stomach is being crushed by your sewn-into-it corset?
P!NK
Is Pink like “P!NK” still or just Pink? When does one decide whether to stop using unnecessary punctuation in lieu of letters? I don’t know. I’ve always wanted to be a “MELISS@” but I didn’t do it and I have regrets. Anyway, the yellow weirdly works, even though it’s that generally awful greeny-fluoro. But I cannpt – CANNOT – abide by Pink’s decision to wear a casual leather jacket over a formal gown on a red carpet. JUST BE COLD FOR A BIT OR WEAR A FANCY FAUX FUR, ALISHA.
NATALIE DORMER
I mean, is this the red carpet for Natalie’s first date with a guy from Tinder? Come on bb.
ANNE-MARIE
NFI who this is but damn that is a fancy ruffled coat. It is a giant useless semi coat thing that would not fit comfortably through any single door. Also, in other news, I love it?
LITTLE MIX
I always look at group artists on red carpets and wonder who fucking HATES their outfit. Like, is Perri’s toothy grin really gritted teeth because SHE wanted to wear emerald green, but fucken old mate on the end (I know none of their names) went all sexy-little-mermaid and forced Perri into that odd ye olde silk situation? These are the things that keep me up at night.
PALOMA FAITH
I mean it IS just a large peach lampshade with some gauze on top, but it also looks so perfectly 60s and maybe I’m giving too many free passes to retro styles, but hot damn I’m into this. YES I KNOW THAT IS INSANE.
SHAWN MENDES
Did you guys see Shawn’s Calvin Klein undies campaign? Did you see how he looked so strong and the undies with his… and the legs with the muscles… and he has eyes and… *stares into distance for 4 hours*
CALVIN HARRIS
Why has everyone walked out of the 1975 wedding of Barbara-Ann Brown and Jimmy-Bob Boberson at this awards? Also, don’t stop I love it (especially you, sexy Calvin in your sexy weird shiny brown suit).
CAMILLE CHARRIERE
Camille is this like superrrr cool model and is maybe friends with Taylor Swift, that also might be a lie, anyway she is also wearing the pillowcase I bought from Kmart in 2003 when I wanted to redesign my teen bedroom and make it really cool like Summer from The OC‘s.
JORJA SMITH
Issues I have with the spelling of “Georgia” any other way besides “Georgia”, I actually kind of love this spicy little number. It’s voluminous, yes – but in a fun and arty way, not a “large swathe of fabric with little to no end point” way. The only thing I feel is that her nude bra should have been a colour – you can see it through the sheer material and nude bras are never a mood.
AJ TRACEY
Whoever you are AJ, that is one HELL OF A JACKET.
ABBEY CLANCEY
This dress is gorge, and I also think if *I* were pregonte and had to be in spiky heels, I’d at least want a dress that allowed me to wear a big comfy bra for my insanely big preggo boobs. And that is what this dress allows. So well done, whoever styled Abbey bc you are a KIND SOUL.
LIAM PAYNE
Liam, damn. You got really hot. As a fun side note, my number is 0414523….
OLLY ALEXANDER
I mean if you want to make an impression on the Brits red carpet, a giant Cruella De Vil style cape is gonna do it. If you also want me to say you look like you’ve been tarred and feathered, this will do it.
FLORENCE WELCH
Florence is a precious, holy baby angel and I will never hear a bad word about her, her perfect hair or her perfect outfit choices.
LILY ALLEN
Wow, Wednesday Adams grew up huh.
JESS GLYNNE
Here is a thing and hundoooo p, Jess would be saying this too and lamenting her instinct (which is also my instinct) to do the old knee-pop red carpet pose – you cannot knee-pop in light blue stretch silk, especially when said silk reaches the floor. You just end up giving off these vibes:
EMMA BUNTON
Can we just discuss how this woman has been in the music biz for OVER TWENTY YEARS and still looks like she’s just had her 21st bday? And don’t give me the “she’s had fucktonnes of work done” shit bc everyone knows the knees never lie, and even her KNEES HAVEN’T AGED A DAY. It’s not even about ageism (hello, Helen Mirren is the biggest babe of all time) it’s literally me being scientifically alarmed.
New discussion – ‘What Took You So Long’ is a bop.
DANIEL LISMORE
I mean there’s attention seeking outfits from people who should prob not be at the Brit Awards in the first place, and then there’s this level – which takes it so OTT that you actually become the only reason I care at ALL about the Brit awards.
DUA LIPA
There’s rumours circulating that Dua Lipa was a massive diva backstage, but the real mystery is who allowed the skirt of this dress and why.
STEVE AOKI
Yeah I mean…. could not be more casuale but also you have pants covered in iron-on transfers. As you were, Steve.
MONTANA BROWN
This woman was on Love Island UK, one of my favourite shows (also her season was the best season everrrrrr OMG, the drama that ensued! GO WATCH IT) anyway she’s definitely wearing an uncomfortable-looking Spanx item with some shimmery gauze on top.
