If you haven’t yet realised, life’s one big sales pitch.

The sooner you embrace your inner sell-out and take your stride of pride down the street like the brilliant, confident cynic that you are, the better.

The application of selling yourself is universal. You could be going for a job interview, looking to make a new friend or may have just joined Tinder. Regardless of what the occasion is, these tips will get your potential employer/investor/friend/shag all like:

KNOWLEDGE IS POWER

When life puts you in a situation where you have to sell ice to an Eskimo, you better know your noise. Obviously it’s important to know everything you can about the situation you’re in (a buyers price limit, bae’s favourite colour, etc) but more importantly, you better know yourself through and through.

Know your strengths.

Know your weaknesses.

You should be able to rattle off your resume, extensive accomplishments, facts, figures and what-have-you with encyclopaedic precision. If someone asked you what year you graduated high-school and you can’t remember, good fucking luck to ya.

How can they trust you to understand them if it looks like you don’t even understand yourself?

Don’t look like a spud.

Memorise your shit.

We’re sure you’re brilliant and all, but trust us, there’s always someone out there better than you. Soz.

To combat this, you must channel the Meryl Streep within and embrace your inner ~actor~.

People have a hard time differentiating who they are in reality (imperfect, somewhat irritating, generally crap, *fill in the blanks*) from themselves as a product (burgeoning legend, altruistic, team-player, the embodiment of perfection, etc).

The boardroom, the candle-lit restaurant, the elevator – these are your stages, people. Go out there and win a fucking Oscar.

FAKE IT TILL YOU GODDAMN MAKE IT.

BE MEW

There’s several qualities to learn from Pokemon’s, Mew – many of which have an application in a commercial/life sense. Also, its saahhh adorbz.

Mew is unique. There’s no other Pokemon like Mew. Mew’s the original, Mew.

To embrace your Mew-you, figure out how you’ll stand out from the crowd. What’s your angle? What makes you different? Why are you awesome?

This can take form in something like a multi-medium resume or an epic product proposal (or you could just chuck a Ke$ha and break into Prince’s house).

Because its DNA is made up of every known Pokemon, Mew is capable of learning any attack. In order to be your Mew-you, you must learn all of the skills needed to reach your goals.

You’re a human, thus, you can achieve anything every human can. Food for thought, y’all.

BECOME THE SOLUTION

People love people who can solve shit. Someone who can come in and sort erythang out usually graduates to hero status instantly.

Want a new job? Find the company’s issue, make them aware of it and offer up a solution.


This is basic business.

The most successful products are the ones that either make your life easier (creating a solution to a problem others may or may not be aware of) or improve on an existing product (making the solution even more of a… solution).