There’s mystery afoot in the NBA today. A real riddle. A full-on bamboozle. A single, lingering question with no immediate answer: Just who in the blue hell dropped a big, nasty, stinky bum fart right near the Philadelphia 76ers bench earlier today?
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Hard as it may be to believe, eagle-eyed cameras focusing in on Joel Embiid, who did not play in the Sixers’ barnstorming Game 3 win over Brooklyn due to injury management, managed to capture the moment someone let fluffy off the chain in a severe fashion.
Embiid and a troupe of other Sixers reeled in horror as the tummy foul stripped the hairs from their nostrils, with all of them seeking refuge in the safety of the inside of their shirts.
He who smelt it dealt it… 😷😂@sixers | #Shaqtin pic.twitter.com/rrQLolUYF6
— Shaqtin’ a Fool (@shaqtin) April 19, 2019
Judging by the immediate reactions, that fart looks to be sitting somewhere between “four days on red wine and beef” and “vegan protein shake pre-workout, felafel wrap extra onion afterwards” on the Jesus Wept Go To The Fucking Doctor scale.
So who the hell did it? Who the hell cannoned poo gas out of their dirty, dirty butthole in the direct vicinity of millionaires?
Could it be Amir Johnson, sitting on the end of the bench trying very hard to pretend like nothing’s happening?
Maybe it’s Jared Dudley, who tried calling Ben Simmons “average” before the game and responded by laying an absolute turd on the court all game long?
Our bet? This guy.
Sitting one row behind everyone. Refusing to make eye contact. Trying to get very interested in literally anything else. Minding his own business. Trying to desperately to hide the fact that half his torso just fell straight out of his ass.
There’s your culprit, we reckon. Call the bloody cops.
