Continuing the AFL‘s long-standing tradition of utilising the combined cultural relevance and musical nous of a boardroom of middle-aged white men to book entertainment to accompany the Grand Final, the 2014 incarnation of the biggest sporting event on the Australian calendar (fight me) will feature the musical stylings of Tom Jones and Ed Sheeran.

Not doing anything to dissuade the theory that whoever was in charge of this simply flicked back and forth between Gold 104.3 and Triple M in the car on the way to work and booked the first two artists they heard, Jones and Sheeran will be performing in the pre-game festivities in the lead-up to the bounce of the Big One.

This is opposed to previous years, where some of the entertainment was reserved for half time. Instead, the only entertainment provided at half time will be the comedy inherent in how much people at the ground will have to fork out for a box of chips and a soapy hot dog.

Along with Sheeran and Jones, Australia’s own Olivia Newton-John will be appearing on the hallowed MCG turf, with Newton-John to perform the national anthem just prior to the game.

All jokes aside, you might chide the AFL for once again booking a rather bland-looking set of pre-game entertainment for their biggest event of the year by some margin. But it’s here where two key issues can be raised.

a) There’s not a chance in hell of it being as bad as Meatloaf in 2011.

and b) When you hit a clear peak bogan at Waverley Park in 1991 with Angry Anderson singing “Bound for Glory” whilst riding on the back of an AFL Batmobile, what’s the point in trying?

Some high bars were just never meant to be cleared.

The 2014 AFL Grand Final is on Saturday, September 27th. And (as much as it pains my Essendon-loving heart to say) if it doesn’t feature Sydney and Hawthorn, I’ll eat my hat.

Photo: Stuart C. Wilson via Getty Images.