Before we begin here, there needs to be some context: Tom Brady likes to kiss. A lot.
Following Brady’s entirely ho-hum win in today’s Super Bowl, the 41-year-old cyborg celebrated by greeting New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft with a well-planted kiss, right on the mouth.
No doubt about there, mates. That’s a full-on lip kiss, square on the mush of the old man who signs his sizeable pay cheques, at least one of which he should give to me.
That is the latest in a long, long line of weird things Tom Brady does with his mouth, which traces back to this clip wherein a shirtless and prone Tom lip-kisses his son for a duration of no less than two full seconds.
This is not an isolated pair of incidents either. Tom Brady will literally mouth kiss anyone. The closer to him the better.
I wish someone would kiss me the way Tom Brady kisses his kid and dad. pic.twitter.com/NQeDwIjFLW
— Dumpster Jesus (@DumpsterJesus) January 30, 2019
He just loves to kiss. He cannot be prevented from kissing.
Naturally then, as soon as the Robert Kraft kiss hit screens across the globe, the kiss-related gags began pouring in thick and fast on ye olde social media. And lord, there were some absolute crackers in there.
Tom bradys son when he sees Julian Edelman get a kiss before him. pic.twitter.com/OhHf4HII21
— Keg (@GratefulKeg) February 4, 2019
— Andrew (@oreodunker123) February 4, 2019
Tom Brady was separated from his family all week preparing for the Super Bowl. Sources close to ESPN say his 17 year old child has entered the locker room at halftime to reinvigorate the Hall of Game QB with a passionate French Kiss.
— DC (@draftcheat) February 4, 2019
Tom Brady running wild through the crowd, kissing everyone’s sons
— illy bocean (@IllyBocean) February 4, 2019
We simply cannot stress this enough, mates: Tom Brady absolutely loves to kiss. He is a fiend for it. It is his favourite thing.