Tom Brady wore a big stupid hat and I fucking hate it. I hate it more than I’ve hated anything in a long time. It’s a horrible hat and the fact Tom Brady was the one to wear only makes it that much worse.

Brady wore the big stupid deadshit hat at today’s NFL preseason matchup between New England and Carolina, and it sucked.

Look at this absolute goober in his piss-awful hat.

Fuck that hat, man. Piece of shit pie tin-ass hat. Whistlin’ Dixie motherfucker. Selling monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook-lookin’ ass bitch.

In that hat, Tom Brady looks like he’s just blown in from Walla Walla Washington with a suitcase full of dodgy steak knives and a burning desire to bang every housewife on the street.

In that hat, Tom Brady looks like he’s permanently about to morph into a frog and break into Hello My Baby.

In that hat, Tom Brady looks like a bashed packet of Captain’s Table most abysmal bikkies.

I hate that hat. I hate it a lot.

Dickhead looks like an age-reversed James Carvill playing hooky from work.

Asshole looks like he was the peg in a Kraft Family ring toss game.

Absolute rank son-kisser looks like he has to wrap his idiot scone in fifty feet of gaffer tape just to prevent that stupid-ass thing from coming down to his teeth.

That has to be the first hat he’s even seen. Tom Brady’s idiot robot ass definitely found that by Googling “decorative head flap” because he did not know what a hat was prior to today. That’s the only possible explanation I could ever accept for this horseshit.

I hate the hat. I hate it more than I ever though I could ever hate a hat.

Aaron Rodgers, on the other hand…

Now that’s a look you can set your watch to.