For Team USA to miss out on qualifying for the 2018 FIFA World Cup today, literally everything had to go wrong.
Literally everything did.
Barely twelve hours after the Socceroos limped into an Inter-Confederation Playoff – their last chance at World Cup qualification – thanks to the eternal boy Tim Cahill dragging us out of jail yet again in extra-time against an undermanned Syria, the veritable arse-end has fallen out of the CONCACAF playoffs, leaving the United States on the outer for the first time in 32 years.
Today represented the final day’s play in the fifth round of CONCACAF playoffs, with the US starting the day in the box seat to qualify for Russia next year. All they had to do was beat, or at the very least draw with, the lowly Trinidad & Tobago, who to that point in the 10-game round robin series had only managed to squeak out a single solitary win against fellow cellar-dweller Panama.
Oops.
Trinidad and Tobago’s goal, to take the 1-0 lead. #USMNT #USAvTRI https://t.co/1g06GHAsaz
— The Sporting News (@sportingnews) October 11, 2017
…aaaaaand double oops.
What a goal for Trinidad & Tobago 🚀🚀 pic.twitter.com/39dlm0el5e
— Karen (@Karen31_x) October 11, 2017
Somehow, Team USA found a way to lose 2-1 to Trinidad & Tobago, leaving their fate in the hands of other nations.
Costa Rica had to beat or draw with Panama, and Mexico had to beat or draw with Honduras. In fact, only one of those things had to happen to ensure the US at least got a chance to at least play-off (against Australia, would you believe) for a spot in the World Cup finals.
Neither of ’em did. It was as if the football Gods were spitefully wedgying the USA all day.
Firstly, Honduras pulled some absolute rank Houdini-shit to stun the table-leading Mexico 3 – 2. Seriously, cop this game-tying goal that not only bounces off the crossbar but also off the back of the Mexican goalkeeper’s head.
Honduras’s Game Tying Goal 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/stGlZrRhts
— DMV Soccer (@DMVSoccer96) October 11, 2017
Does that count as a reverse falcon?
Then – THEN – with Panama down 1 – 0 against Costa Rica, this happened.
Here’s the goal that Panama ‘scored’ to make it 1-1 against Costa Rica. Did it cross the line? 👀 https://t.co/zk80aEXBF3
— Jack Grimse (@JackGrimse) October 11, 2017
Panama scored late in the second half to give them a 2 – 1 victory, earning them an improbable World Cup qualification in the process, and sending the USA tumbling out of the finals.
To recap: It took an own goal by the Americans, an absolute screamer from Trinidad & Tobago, a Panamanian goal that never crossed the line, and the unholy Rube Goldberg-esque braining of a Mexican keeper to shunt the USA out of the 2018 World Cup; the first time they’ve missed the finals since 1986.
Australia now faces Honduras in a two-leg inter-confederate playoff starting on November 6th.
Holy. Shit.
