The Tampa Bay Lightning Just Completed One Of Sport’s All-Time Bed Shittings

Throughout the annals of sporting history there’s been various shittings of various beds, but few – if any – come close to the sheer power and ferocity of the poo the NHL’s Tampa Bay Lightning just managed to expel into their own sheets.

The Lightning just got swept out of the NHL Playoffs in the very first round, being absolutely pantsed by the Columbus Blue Jackets who, prior to today, had never won a playoff series in their entire franchise history.

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That 4-0 drubbing to a minnow side alone is inglorious enough, but it reaches astronomical levels when you consider what the Lightning managed to achieve in the regular season.

The Lightning finished the regular season with the best record in the NHL: 62 wins and just 16 losses in regulation, with 4 losses in OT. That ties an NHL record for most wins in a regular season; a mark set by the Detroit Red Wings in the 1995-96 season.

The Lightning were so dominant on the ice that they finished the season with a +103 goal differential, which was some 41 goals higher than their nearest rival.

In contrast, the Blue Jackets scraped into playoffs ranked eighth overall in the Eastern Conference, only punched their ticket to the playoffs on the very last day of the regular season, and had never won any more than two games in a playoff series previously.

And yet there they bloody went.

In four games Columbus demolished Tampa, scoring wins to the tune of 4 – 3, 5 – 1, 3 – 1, and finally 7 – 3 today. A straight four-game sweep with a goal differential of +11 Columbus’ way.

In losing in four games, Tampa becomes the first Presidents’ Trophy winning side to be swept in the first round.

They also continue an American hoodoo of record-setting regular season sides absolutely eating shit in the postseason.

The only real conclusion to take from this? God is punishing Lightning fans for the sin of trying to put ice in Florida.

There is simply no other explanation for it, folks.