The sadly thwarted 2017 Channel Seven telemovie Warne may still be languishing somewhere in development hell, but that isn’t stopping Shane Warne from forging ahead with yet-more plans to turn his frankly insane life into a movie. Hell, he’s even apparently heading over to Hollywood to discuss plans for a new one, and he’s got some very high opinions as to who should play him.

According to reports from the Herald Sun, Warne is heading to Los Angeles next week to meet with production companies, armed with a script that dramatises his role in the 2008 Indian Premier League title he captured as leader of the Rajasthan Royals. According to Warne, it’s a “Hollywood movie shot for India” and the Bollywood market.

Where it gets real good, however, is in who exactly Warne has in mind to play the big-screen version of him. The direct quote is an absolute barnburner.

Chris Hemsworth would be good, Leonardo DiCaprio… you want someone super cool.”

Laugh all you want, but you cannot look me dead in the eye and tell me you wouldn’t watch the shit out of Leonardo By-God DiCaprio with a shaggy bleached blonde mop top putting on a fucked Australian accent and talking shit about flippers and googlys and bringing fine leg up and the like.

Hemsworth already knows the terminology, and that’s fine and all. But I want a Hollywood-level production to force Leonardo Fucking DiCaprio to watch tape of Warne taking 8/71 at the 1994 Gabba Test with a notebook and a pen. I want behind-the-scenes footage of that immediately. In fact, just make that the entire movie. Leonardo DiCaprio Tries To Understand Cricket. That’s the whole movie. I would buy a ticket tomorrow.

Somehow, the story gets even better. In addition to the biopic – which Warne states features “all sorts of sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll stuff” – he’s apparently also in talks with Netflix about, get this, a documentary series based on him called, get this, “SHANE.”

A Shane Warne biopic starring Chris Hemsworth or Leonardo DiCaprio and a Netflix Original documentary series called Shane.

What life does this man lead, what thoughts go through his head. I don’t know, and I am enthralled by them.

Image: Getty Images / Max Mumby