Russell Westbrook Has Been Traded And The NBA’s Bout Of Batshit-itis Rolls On As Normal

Just because Free Agency is over now doesn’t mean the NBA has recovered from its severe bout of losing its godforsaken minds. Case in point: Oklahoma City has today continued its inexorable march towards next year’s number one draft pick by summarily shipping All-Star guard Russell Westbrook off to, get fucken this, the Houston Rockets, where he will be once again reunited with former teammate James Harden, who famously high-tailed it out of OKC because he was sick of playing third fiddle to Westbrook and Kevin Durant. Unfuckenreal.

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Perennial NBA news soothsayer Adrian Wojnarowski from ESPN broke the news a short time ago, confirming the Thunder are sending Westbrook to the Rockets in exchange for Chris Paul and a laundry list of future first-round draft picks.

Of course! Of COURSE! Why not just put all players into a deck of cards every off-season and deal each team a new hand while we’re at it. Good lord.

The Westbrook trade was preceded by the previous bombshell move by Oklahoma to send Paul George to the Los Angeles Clippers for a gargantuan stack of draft picks, leaving George free to pair up with Kawhi Leonard who chose the Los Angeles Clippers as his free agency destination over the LA Lakers and Toronto, in what’s easily the most Kawhi Leonard-ass decision in NBA history.

So for those of you grimly trying to keep score at home, this coming NBA season will feature:

  • A suddenly-threatening LA Clippers lineup of Kawhi Leonard and Paul George.
  • An LA Lakers lineup featuring LeBron, Anthony Davis, and Boogie Cousins’ after-market parts left leg.
  • Brooklyn with somehow both Kyrie Irving and Kevin Durant.
  • Houston with somehow both James Harden and Russell Westbrook.
  • Golden State miraculously still with both Steph Curry and Klay Thompson and suddenly D’Angelo Russell as well.
  • Miami with Jimmy Butler and not much else.
  • Boston with Kemba Walker and not much else.
  • New Orleans with the most-hyped #1 pick in a generation.
  • Oklahoma City with Chris Paul and about 86 future first-round draft picks, and;
  • The New York Knicks, who seemed poised to swoop hardest this off-season, coming out of *all that* with [checks notes] Julius Randle.

Why even bother with the actual basketball part anymore. This shit is the BEST.