No One Knows What Poisoned 30 People At A $725-A-Head ANZAC Day MCG Function

It’s a mystery that refuses to stop deepening: Just what in the blue hell caused 30 people at a swish, exclusive, $725-per-person luncheon at the MCG on ANZAC Day to almost simultaneously fall ill?

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It’s a wild yarn, and it’s only gotten wilder in the past 24 hours. The story goes that on ANZAC Day, prior to the traditional Essendon vs Collingwood AFL clash, a raft of people all suddenly took ill following a President’s Club function in scenes that Eddie McGuire described as “dropping like flies.”

One by one, people went down, seemingly regardless of age or prior health. The situation was so chaotic that stadium personnel and emergency services had to set up a temporary triage centre in an adjoining room just to cope with the sheer volume of ill people coming in. Several people were taken to hospital for observation, all showing the classic symptoms of food poisoning.

Initially, the culprit was strongly suspected to be a chicken & rabbit terrine that was served up to punters as an entree. But after extensive testing, the terrine’s name has apparently cleared. As has just about every other suspected cause, leading investigators into a baffling impasse.

The Age reports that, after extensive testing from the MCC, the Department of Health, and catering company Epicure, the terrine has produced inconclusive results that suggest it likely was not the cause of the sudden spate of illnesses. That’s bolstered by the fact that punters at the event have since reported eating the terrine and being fine, and that food poisoning usually doesn’t come on quite that fast or quite that simultaneously. One patron who fell ill reportedly did not eat the terrine at all, only drinking a glass of water before succumbing.

Subsequent tests of the function room’s water, air conditioning, beer taps, glasses, table dressings, even the bartenders fingers have turned up nothing. Not a thing. From all reports, there’s no obvious reason why these 30 people, and only 30 in a crowd of 600, suddenly took ill at roughly the exact same time.

Countless functions have been held in the exact same room since the ANZAC Day event, and all have passed without incident.

While a Department of Health investigation is reportedly set to wrap up in the coming days, meaning some answers might be close at hand, until this remains – and I cannot stress this enough – the most gripping mystery in recent footy memory.

I simply must know what – or who – poisoned the rich footy punters.

I have to know what did it.

NEED TO KNOW.

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