It Sure Does Look Like Marnus Labuschagne Sucked Off His Cricket Bat Yesterday, Doesn’t It

Sports stars, folks. They’re just like us. They put their shoes on one at a time. They wave their arms about. They eat breakfast. They lovingly fellate their professional equipment. Just like all of us. And that absolutely includes Marnus Labuschagne, who provided us with a ah… rather sloppy looking moment of curiosity during play yesterday at the Sydney Test Match.

Labuschagne, batting gamely with Steve Smith late in the day’s play, was captured on camera performing some sort of running repair work on his bat that ah…. look there’s no two ways about this, it looked like he was sucking it off.

It deadset looked like Marnus By-God Labuschagne was giving his cricket bat a good old fashioned gobby.

Just straight-up slobbering the knob, the knob on his bat.

Hoovering pipe. The pipe being his cricket bat.

Bending down and putting his horny old mouth directly on his cricket bat’s dick. Which in this case is the handle, of the bat.


You absolutely cannot fault the form there. Two-handed approach, mouth focused on the tip, going to town. No stretch of surface area untouched, every single part being paid attention to. An all-encompassing sucko.

And while there is absolutely nothing wrong with giving your lucky bat a little mouth love for a quick boost of energy, there’s actually some sort of partway reasonable explanation for it.

Esteemed cricket writer Geoff Lemon told the Final Word podcast that Labuschagne was, in actual fact, attempting to blow air underneath the bat’s rubber grip in order to readjust its position on the handle. Or, ya know, so the story goes.

“It was explained to me you have to blow air under the bat grip to move it down, so that’s what he was trying to do. Or at least that’s what he told his parents when they walked in on him,” Lemon stated.

Still, explanation or not that really gives a new meaning to the term Edging It.

I mean we all knew Labuschagne loved playing swing for a reason.

It’s pretty obvious he’s got a great pull in him.

No real need to go to DRS for that ball tracker.

And so on.