Since his stern, unemotional confession to Oprah Winfrey last year that essentially had him saying, “yep, so I kind of did a lot of drugs. my bad”, media around Lance Armstrong has been fairly scarce. Probably because pretty much everyone absolutely hates the guy, and probably because he’s committed to living a life of a normal human, rather than a dope-denying cycling superstar. After all, he’s been banned from cycling competitions for life. 

But today we’re revisiting old wounds as Armstrong has announced he will participate in Des Moins Register Newspaper’s Great Bicycle Ride Across Iowa this month. His ban from cycling competitions doesn’t extend to the event, as the organiser stated that they were “open to anyone that wants to come ride”. I wonder who it was that skimped on the asterisk that said, “*except you, Armstrong”? 

In any case, Armstrong—who had his 7 Tour De France winning titles stripped of him last year—took to the loop-holed claim with abandon, and will be proudly participating, despite the inevitable bad press that will follow. According to Des Moins Register, Armstrong stated, “I’m well aware my presence is not an easy topic, and so I encourage people if they want to give a high-five, great,” he said. “If you want to shoot me the bird, that’s OK too … I’m a big boy, and so I made the bed, I get to sleep in it.”  That’s right, flipping the bird at Lance Armstrong is allowed, according to Lance Armstrong. Spectators probably would have done it anyway, but now you have his permission. You’re welcome.

Perpexlingly, Armstrong also said, “[I’m] just a dude like everybody who likes to ride bikes and likes to drink beer and has made his fair share of mistakes — and that’s that.”

He’s just a beer-drinking, dope-taking, bike-riding, lying dude, you guys. That’s that.