Human Dagwood Dog Kid Rock Is Being Inducted Into The WWE Hall Of Fame

Here it is, folks! Peak America in one handy yarn. World Wrestling Entertainment, a baffling company of highly questionable morals and ethics that I cannot stop giving money to, is this year seeing it fit to induct Kid Rock, a man the internet once dubbed the “people version of an above-ground pool,” into its reasonably prestigious Hall of Fame.

That’s right, Detroit’s chief export and person directly responsible for 14% of the nation’s sales of truck nuts, will stand alongside wrestling royalty as a member of the WWE Hall of Fame class of 2018, with the Vince McMahon pro-wrestling conglomerate confirming the news earlier this morning.

Kid Rock will be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame’s celebrity wing, which already sports a former Governor of California, the current President of the United States, and Drew Carey among its members.

Kid Rock’s association with the WWE dates back to 2000, with the sentient Confederate Flag responsible for entrance themes for both the Undertaker and Stacy Keibler. Kid Rock also appeared live during WrestleMania 25 to perform a medley of songs prior to a female battle royal match that was won by a man.

The 2018 Hall of Fame class will be inducted during a ceremony two days prior to this year’s WrestleMania 34 event, with the class behind headlined by GoldbergJeff Jarrett, and the Dudley Boyz.

Sincere congratulations to both Kid Rock, and anyone who’s ever owned an “ass, gas, or grass” bumper sticker on today’s announcement.