FIFA Kick Sepp Blatter Out, Give Eight Year Ban For Corruption

It’s been a long time coming. A long, painful, indecently corrupt time coming, but FIFA head honcho Sepp Blatter and his crony at the top of UEFA Michel Platini have been kicked out of the world’s leading football body for eight years. 

FIFA’s Ethics Committee (LOL) found the pair worthy of the ban after a particularly shady sum amounting over €1m made its way from FIFA to Platini.

A statement released by FIFA says Blatter was totes in the know about the payment:

“Mr Blatter found himself in a situation of conflict of interest, despite which he continued to perform his related duties, failing to disclose said situation and the existence of personal interests linked to his prospective activities…”  

“By failing to place FIFA’s interests first and abstain (sic) from anything that could be contrary to FIFA’s interests, Mr Blatter violated his fiduciary duty to FIFA”.

Their alleged fuckbaggery and deliberate gaming of the world’s most popular sport has been well documented; while those accusations are the cause behind this new ban, prison sentences for the men remain off the cards, pending the results of the external investigation.

In meaningful terms, the bans mean that Blatter will be ineligible to recontest his role at the top of that decidedly-rotten tree in upcoming elections. That leaves a few other candidates in the mix – hopefully the eventual winner won’t be so keen on dropping his hand into the endless cookie jar that is FIFA cash.

Reddit football fans summed up the whole deal pretty well, too:

Seeya never, guys.

Story: SBS.