Every year, scores of tourists from across the globe wander into Australia during the summer, cockily assuming they can simply deal with the oppressive conditions we, as a nation, have learned to endure. And every year, they find themselves in dire trouble. Case in point, England cricket captain Joe Root, who made the utterly critical error of going outside during yesterday’s unholy day of heat in Sydney.
While the Australian side used their summer survival skills – built over the course of a life spent grimly fighting back against the awful murderous sun – to battle out the day, Root foolishly chose to subject himself to the sun’s full force, landing him in hospital overnight with severe dehydration.
On Day 4 of the Fifth Ashes Test, which just so happened to be a day where Sydney was the hottest place in the world, Root first spent 176 minutes standing out in the field, followed up by 175 minutes batting at the crease as he grimly tried to save the test for the visitors off his own bat.
Though the general temperature yesterday was brain-melting enough by itself, heat trackers beside the SCG pitch were recording on-ground temperatures of a frankly inhuman 57.6 degrees.
Root did not take the pitch to continue his innings at the start of play today, with English team officials confirming he was suffering from a fairly stonkin’ great big case of dehydration.
Joe Root is currently in hospital with severe dehydration. There will be a further update as to whether he will be fit to resume this morning. pic.twitter.com/wmvPd8XeT9
— England Cricket (@englandcricket) January 7, 2018
Grimly, Root returned to the SCG shortly before play re-commenced, arriving at the ground still wearing his hospital bracelet.
Joe is now on his way to the ground. He is unlikely to start this morning when play resumes.
— England Cricket (@englandcricket) January 7, 2018
As a retired hurt batsman, Root was able to resume his innings at the fall of a wicket, with stand-in batsman Moeen Ali being removed by the GOAT Garry Lyon earlier this morning.
Root was able to pass his 50 shortly after 11:45am this morning, drawing wild applause from the Barmy Army.
Sure, enduring that kind of heat to the point that it puts you in hospital should quite rightly earn him Knighthood when he returns home.
But we all know this entire silly situation could’ve been avoided with a simple glass of ice cold water.
One glass. Down the hatch. Problem solved.
Thems the facts, folks.
