Pause for a moment and consider the absolute state of the smell inside your average professional darts meet: A heaving crowd of sweaty Brits all fucked up on beer and bar snacks, braying and spitting with each 180 round, all contributing to a stagnant cloud of stink that hovers and wafts and sits three feet above head-level, totally impervious to outside fresh air. Now consider just how bad someone’s cheese cutting had to have been to permeate all that to the point where it throws the darts players themselves off.
Folks, that’s a mighty pong.
The recent Grand Slam of Darts has seen absolutely farcical scenes after two players had a match almost derailed entirely after each accused the other of dropping horrific farts.
Both Gary Anderson, a Scottish two-time World Darts Champion, and Wesley Harms, a young Dutch upstart, stringently deny grunting out the offending tummy coughs that each described as being nostril-stripping in potency.
Anderson wound up winning the match comfortably, but it wasn’t until afterwards that the shit vapours really hit the fan.
In a post-match interview, Harms accused Anderson of dropping his guts repeatedly on stage, leaving behind poo clouds so powerful they imprinted on his long-term memory, stating “It’ll take me two nights to lose this smell from my nose.”
However, Anderson subsequently turned around and accused Harms of being the one who, in fact, dealt it.
In only the most erudite manner a Scotsman is capable of, Anderson laid his accusations bare on TV.
GARY ANDERSON denying that he farted on stage is one of the funniest interviews you will ever see! ???? pic.twitter.com/CDUCk0ypfN
— Darts News (@DartsNewsStats) November 17, 2018
Cop some of those key quotes:
“It was bad. It was a stink. Then he started to play better and I thought he must have needed to get some wind out.”
“Normally if I fart on stage I shit myself, and you know that because I told you in a documentary.”
“If I’d farted and it smelled like that, I’d put my hands up and go ‘sorry, I need to go off.’“
Anderson seemed perhaps willing to accept Harms hadn’t reefed open his butthole and unloaded some smells capable of sterilising cattle in the middle of their game, and instead posited some of the match officials may have been responsible for hammering out the butt belches that reported smelled of “rotten eggs“.
Professional Darts Corporation chairman Barry Hearn commented on the seriousness of the incident, resisting calls from some punters to steer into the skidmarks.
This is a top-level competition involving highly skilled sportsmen — so we have no intention of renaming the event the ‘Grand Slam of Farts’ as some have suggested.
Frankly, the Grand Slam of Farts is something I’d watch ardently.
Far away from whatever hopefully airtight venue it was being held in.Source: ABC News
Image: Getty Images / Picture Alliance