Please settle in for my annual sports yarn – this time about a Socceroos-eligible player for Shrewsbury Football Club, Jason Cummings who has dubbed himself “Cumdog”. I shit you not.

Again, please know that the sport I know the LEAST about is soccer, but considering games that score like, three, are ‘high scorers’, even I know that Mr ‘Cumdog’ being brought off the bench against Liverpool for 10 minutes and scoring two whole goals within that time to end the game in a draw is KINDA a big deal.

The 24-year old literally scored half of ALL goals in the WHOLE hour and a half long game, within 10-minutes.

Also, an hour and a half seems outrageously long for any sports game, but that’s just one non-sports fan’s opinion.

Sure, the guy is Scottish, like born and raised. But apparently he’s eligible to be a Socceroo and lord knows Australia has a VERY strong habit of claiming any vaguely Australian famous person during their 15-minutes. Hell, we’ll even lay claim to a few Kiwis whether they like it or not.

The antics of ‘Cumdog’ (no, I absolutely cannot bring myself to type that nickname without the quotation marks) particularly lend themselves to an Aussie heritage though. I mean, he’s proudly called himself ‘Cumdog’ for starters.

Then there’s the fact he busted into the background of his team mate’s interview in nothing but budgie smugglers.

And finally, when interviewed after the game and asked if the result could have been any better for the bencher, he got some real Aussie sarcasm in his reply:

Could have been a hat trick indeed, ‘Cumdog’.

Anyway, wherever he’s from we do stan a fun underdog story. Apparently, this is the second game in a row he’s been pulled off the bench for, scoring both times.

So I guess soccer fans better start keeping an eye-out for the guy. And also forgive me for calling it soccer.

Image: Getty Images / Richard Heathcote