CONTENT WARNING: The following article discusses suicide.
Commentating sport live is a difficult gig, there’s no doubt about that.
The pressure to serve a running commentary that’s entertaining, witty and most of all, informative, is immense.
But there are some areas you just don’t broach when you’re live. There are some jokes and topics you just, as a general rule, shouldn’t try your hand at incorporating into your schtick.
One of those subjects is clearly suicide, but that didn’t stop Ashes legend Geoffrey Boycott from making an unsavoury quip this afternoon.
Commentating for Channel 9 alongside Mark Taylor and Shane Warne, Boycott was tasked with explaining what batsmen should do if they get out on the Melbourne deck which has proven to be a shitshow-inducing area for bowlers of both teams.
Boycott suggested any batsman that gets out on a pitch as batsman-friendly as this one should attempt to hang themselves.
“You go into the dressing room, you get on a chair, you tie a noose and you jump on it,” he said.
“I don’t know how you get out on that wicket.”
— Ali Stafford (@alistafford2) December 30, 2017
Interestingly enough, it’s Taylor who eggs Boycott on to repeat the joke that, if you listen to the audio, had clearly been said off-air first. So it’s not as if this shit witticism just popped into Boycott’s head and he blurted it out; the fellas had clearly had a laff about it before.
Regardless, the resulting cringe was imminent, with Warnie in particular laughing awkwardly and not being quite sure what to do with his hands:
No PC crap for Boycott: If a batsman gets out on this pitch he should "stand on a chair, tie a noose & jump on it" pic.twitter.com/CRRQNJkVG8
— lawrence money (@lozzacash) December 30, 2017
Twitter was quick to jump on the foul play, with online commentators agreeing it was an insensitive joke for a middle aged man who should know better to make on live television:
— Bryce McGain (@BryceMcGain18) December 30, 2017
Hilarious joke from Geoffrey Boycott there #shitno1says
— James Silver (@JamesSilver3) December 30, 2017
— Kristos Kyriacou (@Kyri_1) December 30, 2017
Inappropriate from Boycott #Ashes
— Sandy Hunter ???? (@sandyhunter2) December 30, 2017
If you want to laugh at something, just re-Google the pics of Warnie sucking off a froffie at Royal Ascot.
Suicide jokes? Just don’t.
If you or someone you know is dealing with mental illness, there are resources you can turn to including BeyondBlue (1300 22 4636), Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800), Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) and Lifeline (13 11 14).