This whole story becomes extremely funny when you consider the following fact: The Cleveland Browns suck. They suck ass. They are, unquestionably, the shittiest NFL team of the modern era. Their inability to win even a single game is legendary. They’ve tried just about everything, and nothing seems to turn their fortunes. They are so all-consumingly shitty that even their most loyal, loving fans have taken to sarcastically making jokes about them just to deal with it.
And now, even major beer companies are getting on-board with it.
To celebrate the arrival of the new NFL season, which for the Browns begins on September 10th against Pittsburgh, Bud Lite has sent a little gift to the fine citizens of Cleveland in the form of a string of “Cleveland Browns Victory Fridges,” which is an insanely pleasing string of words to say out loud.
The fridges are stocked to the brim with ice cold Denzel Frothingtons, which will be provided to Browns fans free of charge.
But only when the Browns win a game.
As it turns out, all the fridges are connected to each other via WiFi and are running special locks and chains that will only unlock on the day the Browns win a game of football.
The last time that happened was on December 24th, 2016. That’s 599 days ago.
The Browns went winless throughout the entire 2017 NFL Season, and only managed one win in the season before that.
In fact, since December 13th 2015, the Browns have managed to win 2 games of football, while losing 34.
So you can see where the punchline here is.
You’ve stood by us through it all. We love you for it, and so does @budlight.— Cleveland Browns (@Browns) August 14, 2018
These special fridges will unlock celebratory beers when we get our first regular season “W”.#VictoryFridge pic.twitter.com/LgsGNabMpt
The fridges are being installed at bars in Cleveland as well as at the Browns home FirstEnergy Stadium, where they will presumable serve as climate controlled museums that will display the untouched caches of 2018 beer for eons to come.
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