We Regret To Inform You Ben Simmons Got Dunked On So Hard We Assume He Died

It is our sad, solemn duty to relay the tragic news that our very own Ben Simmons, born July 20th 1996 in Fitzroy, sadly died February 13th 2019 in New York City shortly after 8:00pm local time after being put on the receiving end of an almighty posterising dunk from which there was simply no recovery. He was 22 years old.

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Simmons was playing for his beloved Philadelphia 76ers in today’s matchup against the New York Knicks when, around two-thirds of the way through the game’s second quarter, rookie forward Kevin Knox felled him with an act that’s legally considered murder in at least 20 other countries.

The clearly horrified reaction from DeAndre Jordan says it all.

Man is simply not meant to witness such atrocities with his own eyes.

Upon viewing the incident, people on Twitter came to the same unanimous diagnosis: He dead. That man dead.


Simmons was reportedly assessed by courtside medical who subsequently upgraded his condition from “dissolved like Thanos clicked his fingers again” to “a regular alive person.”

It’s the second time in two days Simmons has been put on the wrong end of a on-court assault, following yesterday’s battering in Boston at the hands of Jayson Tatum.

Just a real bad 48 hours for the lad. Nothing but disrespect all around.

Ahh well Simmo. They can’t all be highlights mate.