EAT SHIT, CANADA: Australia’s Chopperoos Regain Timbersports World Title

With Australia‘s cricket team still emerging from last summer’s disgraceful ball-tampering scandal, the AFL season months away, and the NRL keeping itself busy reminding players not to get their kits off in public bars, there’s vacancy where a whole lot of sports would usually be. Punters could keep up with the A-League season, or look to international leagues for their sporting jollies, but a recent Aussie triumph suggests we all should have been paying attention to the absolutely mad world of timbersports.

Team Australia secured a double victory at last weekend’s Timbersports World Championship in Liverpool, after setting a world record time in the team event against Canada and demolishing second-place Team USA in the final.

The Chopperoos – yes, the goddamn Chopperoos – also saw off reigning champs New Zealand, the Czech Republic, and Great Britain in a series of time trial events, at each turn completing four axe and saw disciplines.

The guns in green and gold then faced Team USA in the final, smashing them to bits with a time of 46.63 seconds. The victory secured the Chopperoos’ fifth world title, cementing them as the most successful national team of all time.

Glory continued a day afterwards as gun Laurence O’Toole won the individual gold medal, successfully vanquishing various pieces of lumber in six different ways faster than his 11 competitors.

Footage of the winning run shows the absolute mad dog build a ladder out of a log, climb it, and decimate a block of wood at the top – while wearing Volleys.

Speaking after his win, which amassed the nice score of 69 points, O’Toole thanked his American training partners. Thanks were also directed at his dad, Laurence O’Toole Sr, another former world champion, who watched his son take first place in the UK. 

Bloody get around ’em.