Live from ANZ Stadium, the Sydney Swans take on the Collingwood Magpies in the first preliminary final tonight.
First bounce at 7:50pm. See you there!
Pre-game Odds Sydney $1.48 – Collingwood $2.70 Centrebet
*Odds subject to change
7:50 – Toss of the coin. Swans win
7:51 – Already complaining about the turf. Shitty bounce. Could hurt Swans!
7:52 – Opening bounce!
7:53 – Kennedy grabs first goal in a ho-hum first couple of minute Swans:7 – Pies:0
7:54 – Goodsie already has two good touches. Marks in front. 40m or so out… and he kooks it. Swans:8 – Pies:0
7:55 – Is it just me or is ANZ stadium a really shitty stadium for AFL? Finals atmosphere lacking. It’s either that or the the fact that I’m sitting at home alone watching the game.
7:56 – I might buy a cat?
7:58 – Self loathing on hold. O’Keefe goals! Swans:14 – Pies:0
7:59 – Poor play in the backline for Swans. Dawes swoops and goals. Swans:14 – Pies:6
8:01 – Kracka! How’s the ‘G’ specialist going to fare away from home?
8:02 – He looks like he could eat my insides and wear my skin as a suit so I’ll put this as delicately as I can. What the fuck are you doing, Malceski?
8:03 – Teddy Richards is on you team, Malceski!
8:05 – Tarrant takes a great mark in defence. Does he have a dick piercing or did I make that up? We’ll investigate at quarter time!
8:06 – Seriously though, I remember a Sam Newman/Footy Show/metal detector incident.
8:10 – Thomas and Jolly keeping the Pies in the game. The Swans are missing chances. Can’t really afford that with their lack of genuine firepower.
8:12 – Thompson gets the ball with open goal. There was a proper ‘what the fuck do I do now’ moment but he slots it through without incident. Swans:23 – Pies:6
8:15 – Holy Shit! Jetta runs 100m to open goal. 3 bounces to over the 100m. Who cares! Great goal. Swans:29 – Pies:6
8:17 – Players on the mark working overtime as Fasolo is smothered.
8:18 – Cloak out-muscles Grundy. Great mark. Swans:29 – Pies:15
8:19 – Buckley down on ground level. I haven’t changed my opinion from last week. That dude is still a weapon!
8:20 – Hey Jude! Mark and goal! Swans:35 – Pies:15
8:21- Swans up at quarter time! Swans:35 – Pies:15
8:21 – So Jetta ran “the fastest hundred hear since September 2000!” Ok Bruce, we know you were there. How could we forget…
8:27 – Second quarter!
8:28 – Some clever boundary line play by Goldsack leads to Cloak’s second. Swans:35 – Pies:21
8:32 – Thompson with an excellent contested mark but sloppy finish. Swans:36 – Pies:21
8:33 – “On hands and knees and sliding in.” Oh Bruce. Swannies radar is WAY off. The Pies will come home strong.
8:34 – Kennedy in broken field from 50m and goals! Swans:44 – Pies:21
8:35 – Quality falcon for Jolly!
8:38 – Kracka and Richards clash at full pace. Kudos to injured Richards.
8:40 – Cloak form outside 50. Monster kick, near miss. He’s looking dangerous. Swans:44 – Pies:22
8:45 – A defensive quarter. 35 tackles a piece for the game.
8:47 – Harry O’Brien on fire as Kennedy kooks a set shot.
8:48 – Wiley old Goodsie the magician is Johnny on the spot. Goal Swans:51 – Pies:23
8:52 – Cloak snaps and misses but still dangerous every time he’s near the ball Swans:51 – Pies:24
8:54 – Half time! Swans playing the better footy and in front Swans:51 – Pies:24.
9:13 – Shit. How on earth did I mess up Glenn Manton with Chris Tarrant?
9:17 – Soz for thinking you had a Prince Albert, Tarrant! We are back on for the third quarter!
9:19 – Goal review. Toovey knocks it in from above the knee so it’s a point for the Pies. Swans:53 – Pies:25.
9:24 – Teddy Richards still throwing his body around despite injury concerns.
9:25 – Jetta with the two best goals of the match after Bolton drops it on front of Jetta who bends it around. Boom! Swans:60 – Pies:25.
9:31 – 41 minutes since the Pies’ last goal. Swans getting their strangle on.
9:35 – Three Stooges-esque ball chase as Jetta is Johnny on the spot for third. Jetta has kicked as many goals as the Pies. Swans:67 – Pies:25.
9:42 – Jack misses bad. Swans well on top but will need to lift for next week. Swans:68 – Pies:26.
9:42 – Chris Tarrant (the guy who DOESN’T have a dick ring) goals. Swans:68 – Pies:32
9:44 – Collingwood with two late goals, and Swans nailing one after the siren. Bruce is getting pretty excited. Like “Cathy Freeman down the back straight” excited. Surely the Pies can’t come back. No matter what Bruce says.
9:50 – One quarter to go. Swans by 30. Jolly getting double teamed?
9:52 – Cloak bags the Pies third in a row. Game on! Swans:69 – Pies:44
9:56 – The Pies are coming on strong while the Swans are in danger of losing the unloseable by Goldsack Swans:70 – Pies:50
9:57 – Home the Bond theme. “Gold-saaaaack!”
9:58 – Shocker from goal umpire costs Swans a goal!
10:00 – Harry O’Brien among the Pies best has been involved with everything!
10:02 – Handball, handball, handball, handball, handball, handball, handball, handball, handball, handball, handball, handball, Shaw, Goodes, behind. Fark. Swans:72 – Pies:50
10:04 – Craig Bird may have put it out of reach with solid set shot. Swans:78- Pies:51
10:07 – The Shaw brothers have a push and shove. That is funny!
10:08 – Sloppy kick form Goodes ends with a mark to Mumford. Goal! Swans:84 – Pies:51
10:11 – Thompson pegs it from 45. Strong in the contest. Swans:90 – Pies:51
10:13 – Johnson keeps things respectable Swans:90- Pies:57
10:15 – Bolton gets his second in his 300th game. Swans:86 – Pies:57
10:16 – The Swans look to next week. I look to dessert. Weiss bar or Cookies and Cream. And a cat. I need a cat to pat.
10:18 – Dane Beams tops off an all-Australian year with a late goal. Swans:96 – Pies:64
10:20 – Fasolo grabs another late one but too little, too late. Swans:96 – Pies:70
10:21 – Full time Swans:86 – Pies:70
11:00 – Sorry for the tech difficulties. Sydney’s internet must have drop out as millions of people lost their shit on Facebook. Swans into GF!
