Look, we’re not out here strictly condoning binge drinking or anything like that. That would be irresponsible of us. However that said, this is an unbelievably good yarn pretty much from top to bottom.

US soccer star Alex Morgan was reportedly booted out of Disney World in Florida earlier in the week after she, along with a group of mates, got absolutely, right royally Mickey Mouse’d. I mean they really shot off the top of Space Mountain. They freakin’ well got Gaston it, is what I’m saying.

At face value that might seem weird, given that the vast majority of Disney theme parks are as dry as Lake Eyre. However, a little lesser known fact about the Floridian venue is that it contains the Epcot park, which is practically awash with booze. And, owing to the fact that the World Showcase section is home to 11 different nation-themed pavilions, it is also the site for one hell of a well trodden-in pub crawl.

Morgan, who plays for the local Orlando Pride, enlisted a bunch of mates for their annual crack at making it “Around the World” in 8 hours.

Annual around the world in 8 hours. No big.

A post shared by Alex Morgan (@alexmorgan13) on

11 different bars in 8 hours might not seem like a mammoth task on paper, but anecdotal evidence suggests the full circumnavigation has brought even the heartiest of drinkers well and truly undone, and thus Morgan and her group got a little ah… surly.

The group got into a verbal brawl with another patron at the United Kingdom stop on their orbit, and had to be removed from the park by police. The incident report filed by Orange County law enforcement clinically describes the scene thusly:

As we passed Spaceship Earth, I observed several people being escorted to the front. They were all being very loud and belligerent toward staff around guests.

I observed a white female, who was later identified as Alexandria Morgan yelling, screaming and taken (sic) video and possibly pictures. She appeared to be highly impaired.

Here’s where it gets really good.

As she was being escorted out of the park, Morgan reportedly then turned to police officers and made “a loud verbal statement that she knows the Orlando SWAT team.

G-E-N-I-U-S.

That’s how you go out with style, ladies and gents. Not by slurring and complying, but by insisting that you know actual riot police and that with one phone call the boys will be around to cause a goddamned ruckus.

Morgan, apparently feeling quite sheepish about the whole thing, apologised on Twitter for the incident.

But I put it to her that we’ve all bloody well been there, and that there ain’t a damned thing wrong with bellowing about a succulent Chinese meal when you’re jolly and getting shown the door on the odd occasion.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to Florida. I’ve got a sudden urge to attempt a circumnavigation.

Source: The Cut
Image: Getty Images / Catherine Ivill