5 Jobs Quade Cooper Can Do If His ARU Deal Falls Through

In the wake of John O’Neill’s resignation, Australian Rugby Union (ARU) chairman and former Wallaby Michael Hawker has indicated that Robbie Deans’ future is secure; Quade Cooper’s not so much. In lieu of his recent criticism of the ARU and Wallabies, Cooper could find himself out of a job and if his swinging gate-esque defence isn’t enough to entice an NRL club, then he might find the hunt pretty tough. Considering his unique skills set, we thought we’d offer a few suggestions.

Celebrity DJ

If Quade could drop a beat with the regularity that he drops a rugby ball, then he’d be leaps and bounds ahead of the Paris Hilton’s and Pauly D’s of this world. I’m thinking he would lean on ego-boosting boast material i.e. Superstar by Lupe Fiasco, Can’t Touch This by MC Hammer, He Got Game by Public Enemy etc etc etc.

Talk-Back Radio Host

This job would be right up Cooper’s alley as he’s always been able to say whatever he wants, whenever he wants, without any facts to justify his statements. Hey, he already has his “toxic environment” signature line. Just cut and paste.

“Boat people! They come over here and take our jobs. It’s a toxic environment!”

“Petrol Stations (could easily substitute ‘energy companies’ or ‘banana farmers’ here). They raise prices whenever they want for no reason. It’s a toxic environment!”

“Gays should not get married or have children. It’s a toxic environment!”

Social Media Director

Quade’s proficiency with social media is well documented. On face value, Cooper’s case may appear to be a ‘how not to’ in regards to social media, but despite the majority of public opinion suggesting Cooper is a bonehead, there remains little doubt that the publicity generated will lead to hefty cash windfall for the beleaguered fly-half, wherever that may be.

Action Movie Villain

The player everyone loves to hate, Quade could convert his polarising personality to box office gold if he was a given a Hans Gruber-like role. Just as Alan Rickman’s German accent has been celebrated for its over-acted shoddiness, Quade’s Aussie-by-way-Auckland-bro effort shows he is more than capable of some quality linguistic butchery.

Horse Milker

Well, Quade can be a bit of a wanker sometimes.

Best of luck Coops!

Picture by Chris Hyde at Getty Images