Doing wacky shit is a central tenet of TikTok. You simply cannot exist on the app without filing your own teeth down or performing c-sections on pickles and bananas. But performing bonkers acts in the name of love is perhaps the most sacred dogma. And with that in mind, I present to you: vabbing.
A touching portmanteu of the words “vagina” and “dabbing”, which I hope Rupi Kaur incorporates into a poem one day.
In essence, vabbing is wearing your vaginal fluids as a perfume. Simply squat down, stick your fingers inside yourself and scoop that shit out like you’re trying to get the last creamy morsels of moisturiser out of a pot. Dab the juice wherever you’d normally spritz perfume — wrists, neck, behind the ears — et voilà.
According to the wise people of TikTok, the pheromones from your coochie juice are meant to send potential partners into a tizzy. Say goodbye to the saucy, sexy scents you’ve been collecting over the years from Mecca because there’s a new EDP (Eau De Pussy) in town.
Influencer, analyst and fashion writer Mandy Lee, aka @oldloserinbrooklyn, is one such TikToker who can’t get enough of vabbing.
@oldloserinbrooklyn Vabbing, more effective than the bend and snap #phermones #datingadvice #learnontiktok ♬ Blue Blood – Heinz Kiessling & Various Artists
“I swear, if you vab you will attract people, like a date, a one-night stand,” she said in the vid.
“Or you’ll just get free drinks all night.”
Intriguing! A reaction shared by a stonking number of people in the comments.
“What in the Gwyneth Paltrow??” one person wrote.
“Bestie are you telling me to put the juices from my veal cutlet on like it’s Chanel No. 5?” wrote another.
But some people extolled the virtues of vabbing.
“I had a friend do this for job interviews! Lol she’d also schedule them when she was ovulating,” a pro-vabber wrote.
“I gate kept this for SO long. Let’s take over the world, ladies,” wrote another.
Vabbing first hit the scene in an episode of the Secret Keepers Club podcast, which is hosted by comedians Carly Aquilino and Emma Willmann.
According to The Cut, the duo spoke about a mate who used his ball sweat as a cologne in a previous episode, which spurred a listener to give it a whirl with her own puss juice.
She said she had “overwhelmingly positive results” and people have been vabbing themselves silly ever since.
@sister.siren Is it the men or is it the #vab 🤦🏻♀️ (ps it’s both) #vabbing #pheromoneperfume #pheromones #singlelife #attractiontips #howtobeabaddie #howtoattractmen ♬ Spongebob Tomfoolery – Dante9k Remix – David Snell
While this is all well and good, experts reckon the DIY perfume is just as good as snake oil.
Professor of evolutionary biology at the University of Melbourne Mark Elgar told triple j’s The Hook Up that humans don’t have glands that produce pheromones (the chemical that animals produce so they can communicate with each other).
“I mean, it’s the oldest and most ancestral way in which we communicate. Do we use it in humans?” he said.
“I’m sure we did in our ancestral past, we may well have been using odours, when homo sapiens first sort of emerged as a distinct species. Do we use them now? I suspect no.
“I think the whole idea of vabbing is hilarious and I hope no one takes it too seriously.”
To vab or not to vab… that is the question.