We’ve all been played, and there’s no sugarcoating it – that shit’s brutal.
You *think* you’ve got something good with someone until, well, ya don’t, and they’ve gone and stripped you of your dignity / hope of finding that soulmate thing one day.
We’ve asked around and discovered some pretty gutwrenching tales, ’cause apparently we’re all a bunch of shit people who take advantage of one another / lose interest just as quickly as we gained it.
Sometimes it can be a little difficult to just tell someone you’re not keen anymore – we get it – but here’s some signs to help you recognise the red flags and GTFO while you’re still relatively unscathed:
THE ONE WHO DOES NOT MAKE PLANS
A last-minute type of person can slap a bit of fun / spontaneity into your life, but if they can’t commit to anything a little further down the line, like a vaycay in Bali in a coupl’a of months or even a wedding in a fortnight’s time, you could be in trouble.
She who shall not be named for privacy reasons kinda hits the nail on the head with this lovely sentiment:
“Whenever I’ve been about to break up with someone, it’s super awkward when the other person is like, ‘Let’s do this thing in two weeks’ and you’re like, ‘Cool, but I was planning to break up with you before then’.”
Even if things between you are A+++, unfortunately you’re not part of their foreseeable future. They’re just waiting for the ~right time~ to fuck you right up / let you down ever so gently, or will just go MIA in general and expect you to connect the dots. Ain’t love fun?
THE ONE WHO GUARDS THEIR PHONE / COMPUTER
When their phone is always face down or has a passcode that you don’t know…
/ You in danger, boy.
He / she might also yank it back from you after you’ve made your quick call, or – the real tell-all of something fishy in the water – they take it with them to the bathroom. FOR A NUMBER ONE. Number two we could justify, ’cause some shits just take longer to hang, but not this.
What they got in there? Clearly something bloody scandalous if they’re holding onto it for dear life all the time.
If they’re more protective of their phone / computer then they are of you, that’s obvi an issue, and a big one at that. It’s not selfies she’s hiding, and it’s not emails he’s preserving.
Y’might be tempted to search through their phone, but at that point the trust is already screwed. As P.TV‘s Creative Projects Manager, Jordana Johnson, so simply puts it, “If you’re actually looking through someone’s phone in 2016, 100% you’re being played. It’s already over.”
THE ONE WHO DOESN’T ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR EXISTENCE
PDA can be kinda gross, but if bae steers clear of you like the plague when in public, there’s probably a fear of getting caught looming around their head.
The same goes for not wanting to be in pics with you or make it FB-relationship official etc etc. They’re probably doing the nasty behind your back, or still consider themselves “single” to the masses.
On the rare occasion that the pair of you are spotted together, consider how they introduce you to others. “This is my friend blah blah” should send huge alarms off in your head. If you’ve been bumping uglies / exchanging ~feelings~ for a prolonged time, you deserve to be acknowledged accordingly.
Besides, if they can’t say that they’re with you loud and proud they can get fucked, because you’re a friggin’ catch and deserve to be shown off.
THE ONE WHO CALLS FOR THE BOOT-AY
If they only make plans with you after 10 pm they just want sex. Dating 101, really. A few drunk dials is, well, only human, so don’t break up with bae just because they were horny one Friday night. It’s about balance, right?
THE ONE WITH THE WANDERING EYE
Some people can’t maintain eye contact – which is a holy-awkward personality trait – but if they can hold their eyes on someone else’s fine ass than you’ve got a bit of an issue. You’re not fulfilling whatever the fuck their needs are, and they, quite literally, are looking for something / someone else. This is harsh, but you’re probably there to fill time until bae finds a replacement.
THE ONE WITH A SHIT TRACK-RECORD
Ex-partner’s mightn’t be around your new squeeze physically anymore, but booooy do they hang around like a mental bad smell.
How your slice behaved in previous relationships says a lot. “In my experience, history usually repeats itself, unless that person is super self-reflective as a person and has found the deep root of their past ways.” says Pete*.
Pls, don’t get sucked into the belief that you will be the one to change their demonic ways. There’s always a possibility that you’ll be the exception to the rule, but the chance is slimmer than Nicole Richie circa-2006.
THE ONE ON THE REBOUND
This should be steered clear of at all costs.
If they’re still into their ex, there’s a high probability that you’re being played / used to make said ex jealous (I know because I’ve done this, SO SUE ME).
A good way to tell is if you feel like you’re getting a lot of face-sucking in public, but behind closed doors it’s a different story. Bae is making sure people know of their “moved on” status, even though they’re actually totally checked out of their current relationship with you. The ex might not be in the vicinity, but the ex’s friends / family / coworkers might be, who will Chinese whisper that shit back to the source.
Another usual suspect is the one who says things like “I just got out of a serious relationship”. They might be well and truly done with their ex-partner, but when they spit you out like a loogy that’s been festering in their throat for days, they’ll use that as an excuse to make them feel better for dumping you.
You’ve heard it: “Buttt… I told you that I didn’t want anything serious / I just got out of a relationship / I wanted to travel overseas sometime within the next 80 years / other excuses that help me sleep at night.”
So what if you met their family or were a +1 at their best mate’s wedding. They warned you, essentially, that they were a player.
THE ONE WHO TAKES ADVANTAGE
Money, sex, industry connections, a car – you might have something that bae wants, and will go to extreme lengths (like boning you day and day out) to get it on the daily. Julie Cooper endured a stint of marriage with Caleb Nichol to get his $$$ (and that woman subconsciously influenced us all in many ways) so be sure to watch out for her IRL equivalents.
Now, you can’t write everyone off just because you’ve got things that they could only dream of. Just ask yourself how often they are asking you to spot them money for something / introduce them to your high-profile friends / drive you somewhere etc. If it seems a little excessive, you’ve got yourself a red flag. Deny them the privilege and see what happens.
Don’t overlook being used as an emotional doormat as well when you’re a trusting person. “I definitely encourage people to go with their gut and not just take the ‘you’re being paranoid’ kind of excuse,” says Danielle*, who was cheated on throughout the entire four years she was with her ex-partner.
She found out after stumbling upon a whole bunch of nude photos of another girl, who happened to be her partner’s ex, dating back five years. “I could have saved lots of time if i hadn’t just taken his word for it and allowed it to go on.”
THE ONE WHO CHUCKS A 180
A change in behaviour can mean a number of things in a relationship, including but not limited to: guilt, dwindling levels of interest and someone else on the scene.
I had a partner of three years who started seeing me less and less, and acted differently when we were together. Turns out he’d cheated on me two weeks earlier. Boo for me and my first bang / love (debatable).
After that ordeal and hearing about others who saw similar alarm bells, y’all should definitely be taking a deeper dive if relationship dynamics change, and suddenly.
Really, tho, it’s a jungle out there and you’re probably going to get a player every once in a while.
Your gut is your friend, and you should probably trust it more than your partner. If you see the red flags, don’t overlook them and fkn respect yourself, hey.
Surely someone out there will treat you like the sun shines out your ass. Well – for my sake at least – I really fucking hope that’s the case.
* Names changed for privacy reasons.
